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Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Caring for Parents

So it's been a really long time since I've posted.  Much has gone on in the last month plus.  I hate excuses, but I've used plenty this year... but this last month I don't even count as an excuse.  It's life and life, sometimes just plain sucks.

November 1st my family had our annual cook-off.  It was a blast, so many of us participated.  But the one guy we can always count on eating a ton, didn't even come up from the basement to visit with us nor did he eat one morsel of our foods.  We were all pretty upset with him that he didn't even come up to say hello.  Some of us went down there to chat with him and some didn't.  That him was my dad.

For one week after that he didn't eat much.  He said he was in pain and didn't feel good.  Felt scared to eat because he thought he'd get sick.  He slept a ton that week.  He had been sleeping more and more over the past year, but we just thought he was lazy.  My mom noticed he wasn't always doing his blood sugar and taking his insulin.  She asked him to call his doctor and make an appointment.  He said he would when he wanted to.  He didn't do it.  I begged him to go to the doctor, he said he would Monday (this was Thursday).  I said, what if Monday is too late.  How about we go to the hospital.  If you're that sick, then you should be getting seen by someone.  He said to wait.

The following Saturday (one week from the cook-off) my brother took my dad to the hospital.  My mom and I were out with friends, delivering a meal to my friends parents as her mother was diagnosed with Cancer and wasn't seeking treatment.  She was receiving home hospice care.  After we delivered the meal we went shopping and had a good time.  One last hoorah before my mom went in for complete and total knee replacement surgery.  On the way home that night, we got a call from my brother who was frantic.  "I'm taking dad to Maple Grove Hospital.  He's very yellow and we can't understand him very well."

They admitted him and started doing tests.  7 days of tests.  In the mean time, that following Monday we had a horrible snow storm, so my mom and I rented a hotel room so that we were sure to be on time for her Surgery that Tuesday.  So we had our dad in Maple Grove Hospital and our mom in Woodwinds (Woodbury) hospital.  My mom had her surgery Tuesday and by Tuesday night she was trying to communicate with the doctors/nurses at Maple Grove via the phone from 45 miles away.  All drugged up and only comprehending some of what they were saying.  My brother was incredible (as was my sister in law) trying to stay on top of everything with my dad and the doctors.  Asking incredibly good questions, getting incredible information and relaying that information to the family.  They were doing this while I was staying in the hospital with my mom (oh my god the "bed" I slept in was horrible).

I came home one night so I could get my parents garbage down to the corner, sleep in my own bed and turn around and head right back up to the hospital for my mom's therapy.  They wanted the patients coach there for therapy so that we knew what we needed to do when they came home.  Mom came home Thursday... so again, I was back up there that day too.

During these two days we were documenting and posting how good my mom was doing... but on the inside we were so terribly worried about my dad.  No knowing and not being able to talk with the doctors ourselves is very hard.  Even though my brother and his wife were updating us often.

The night we brought my mom home was horrible for her.  She was in so much pain.  I stayed the first night with her.  I couldn't take my ambien because I was afraid I wouldn't wake up to give her her pills (every 2 hours)... so one more sleepless night for me.  I don't do well on no sleep (poor me I know).

Friday I had a concert to go to... Garth Brooks.  I was meeting my husbands friend's basically for the first time.  I needed to be fun and have fun.  I wanted them to like me...  Friday is the day we were told my dad had terminal cancer and had 2-6 months to live.  Pancreatic Cancer is what they said, after all those tests.  The problem is that they couldn't do some of the tests because he also had a heart condition.  Diabetic... and his kidneys were failing (apparently for quite some time, but he never told us how serious that was).

I put on the bravest face I could that night at the concert.  I met some nice people, I liked them and I think they liked me.  BUT we had to the leave the concert half way through... I just couldn't do it.  So my husband took me back to the hotel where I proceeded to cry the rest of the evening.  It was horrible and from this point forward I will forever hate that night.

Since my mom had just had knee surgery and my dad is a 330 pound man that needed constant care, he couldn't come home.  So the following Saturday we moved my dad to transitional care up here in Buffalo.  The place we moved him to was supposed to be the nicest place.  We did not think so.  We didn't like it at all.  The nursing staff was super nice, but very overwhelmed.  The place was gloomy.  They shared super small rooms, so visiting was very uncomfortable.  The people in that place were much older than my dad (71).  He hated it there, thought he didn't belong there.  At this point he still didn't realize how sick he was.

We had a care meeting a week and a half later... the day before Thanksgiving.  They evaluated him and said he had a great attitude and that he was doing well.  He wasn't progressing, but just hanging in there.  He was able to walk to the bathroom by himself, but beyond that he really didn't walk much.

My brother brought him home for Thanksgiving.  This was to be the test.  If he did well at Thanksgiving, he would likely come home the following Wednesday after we had the more conclusive tests done (for Pancreatic Cancer).  Unfortunately, Thanksgiving didn't go all that well.  He was tired and from the little bit of walking inside the house he was done for.  He went to the basement, we brought him his dinner.  He ate maybe 3 bites.  He then went and sat on the couch and watched his football... for the rest of the night.  We all went down to talk to him for a little bit, but it was scary and sad to see.  So I personally didn't spend a ton of time with him... but enough to see he was not well.

We brought him back and my mom and I went to visit him that following Sunday.  The visit was not good.  He looked yellow again, hard to understand, he was somewhat confused again.  He was crying because he said he ruined Thanksgiving.  He didn't... but it was ruined for him.  I think he thought everything would be back to normal.  It wasn't.  We talked with him, cried with him and assured him he didn't ruin Thanksgiving.

The next day we were on the phone with the nursing home.  Pushing to see the house doctor.  We were able to see him the next day.  He ordered tests and confirmed that my dad's numbers were sky rocketing again and he was very ill.  At first he was telling us that there was hope, but after these tests came back and talking to my dad - he realized he was not long for this world.

Saturday came... my dad was brought to Buffalo Hospital.  All of us were there to support him.  He was even more hard to understand and in and out of it a lot.  He cried a bit...  I cried a lot.  You could tell he was making peace with things and people.  It was very weird to watch and be a part of.  Buffalo Hospital could not help him, so they transported him to North Memorial.

The next two days North Memorial tried to figure things out.  They couldn't help him.  We, as a family, made the decision to turn off his defribulator and stop all treatment and move forward with pain management for my dad.  It was the saddest, most scariest thing we've ever had to do.  The odd thing was is that we all agreed on the best approach.  They told us once we do all of this, he had hours to maybe 2 weeks to live... and that they needed him to be moved to hospice.

We moved him to hospice the next day.  He was there by 11... he passed that evening at 8:30 pm.  I won't go into explaining what we went through / saw that day... except I will say it was horrific.  I hope you will never have to see anything like this in your lifetime.

So... long story long... this is why I haven't been writing.  I haven't given up on myself... I just now need time to grieve and then refocus on myself... and I will.  I have to, for my dad.

Take care of your bodies...

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.


Thursday, November 20, 2014

Busy Busy Busy

There's a lot going on personally in my life right now so the updates may be few and far between for the next few months.

I will be doing my best to make decent choices but for now my family is my #1 priority.  I apologize if this is letting you folks down, but right now it's just too much for me to maintain the blog, try and focus on my food and take care of some personal matters.

I'll keep you posted on my progress as often as I'm able.


Thursday, November 6, 2014

My Holiday Goal

So, I've not been the most positive person lately.  You can tell from my posts I'm sure.  It's been quite the last 8 months.  I've gotten myself into quite the depression and struggled and GAINED A LOT of weight back.

I'm not jumping on the "I'm Back Baby" bandwagon, but I'm certainly trying.  I always think about what I'm eating/doing but as of most recent, I've not been in control.  I know what I've been doing is wrong and can't stop myself.  I literally ate 3 candy bars worth of candy in one sitting... maybe even more.  Just shoveling it into my mouth.  I know it's because the Halloween candy is easy to come by, but for goodness sake, how am I even able to do that without getting sick?

I can't answer that, but I didn't get sick.  I didn't feel great, but I didn't get sick either.

Last week at weight watchers I spoke with my leader a bit about a plan for the week.  The plan was that if I could track, then I could buy myself this tasty popcorn.

I didn't track all week long, I made it a day and a half.  UGHHHHH

So I didn't track, big deal.  I'm not going to beat myself up about it.  There's no point, it's done and over with.  But, what I did do for myself is I finally started to exercise.  I started Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred (3rd time... probably my most used video).  It sucks.  It's hard.  It's do-able... I'm modifying it right now since I'm so out of shape, but I'm doing it.

My husband actually told me that he was proud of me this morning, because I got up to work out before I started work.  Needless to say, I can tell he's not been real proud of me lately (neither am I, but ughhhh it's hard to see it in his face).  It did make me proud of myself too, because I hate mornings... but the fact is, I did it.  It's over for the day and I wish I could do that every day... that, is not possible.  I'm not getting up at 4:30 in the morning to work out.  I seriously hate mornings.

Anyway - I'm proud of myself for this last week.  I was not perfect (had a lot lot lot of candy) but I did something good for myself... not just the working out but my lunches were better for me too and by Tuesday my dinners were on track as well.  I still have a bit to work on and it's only going to get harder through the holidays.

I do have a plan though.  My plan is to continue my 30 days of shred.  Which will put me at the first week of December.  By the end of next week I will have my plan in place for what's after that.  Because I am most definitely going to continue working out. A person makes much better choices if they are exercising.  It's that plain and simple.  You just don't want to undo what you just worked so hard to do.

Eventually my plan is to get back to the gym.  But I'm not ready for all my gym friends to see how much weight I've put on.  I'm THAT person... but I'm also wasting $32.00 a month by not going.  So that is my ultimate goal!

There you have it... I'm getting myself back into a better place.

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Hiatus

So I went on a short hiatus.  Hoping to get my act together before I made another post.  Unfortunately during my hiatus, I ended up going away (planned) for 5 days.  5 days of fun with friends and food.

It did not go well.  I made bad choices and of course they showed on the scale.

My mother is extremely upset with how I'm doing and is blaming herself.  Which absolutely drives me crazy.  To the point where I've now gotten mad at her for ever bringing it up.  It doesn't help me one bit for her to say things like that and just makes me angry.  She now knows it, but is still making reference to it.  She needs to stop (I know you're reading this).

This is my journey... good or bad, the choices I make are mine.  It has nothing to do with what you have in your home.  It has everything to do with how I choose to eat.  What I choose to do when I'm alone.

My injury and inability to exercise right now has not helped, although this week I'm feeling much better and HAVE to exercise.

I do not feel sorry for myself, but I do need to figure out why I'm not putting in the effort.  I loved how I felt when this weight was gone.  I loved where I was going.  I need to remember that.  Still allow some fun, but I need to get back on the saddle and ride this journey out.  I need those bad foods/choices to go away!

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!


Thursday, October 9, 2014

Annibirthday Week

So it was a week of celebrations... it was my birthday Monday and my anniversary yesterday.  What does that mean?  Well since my husband and I don't do much for presents these days it means eating out.  It also means that for my mommy and I.  I've celebrated well this week.

It showed on the scale, not surprised.  But I am surprised that it's not more.  However, I will say that I did TRY to eat less during other meals (didn't always work) that weren't the celebration meals.  At least that's a step in the right direction.

I failed at tracking.  I will be tracking this week, starting now!

Have a great week...

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Bad Bad Girl, Naughty!

I had a fantastic weekend!  Friends, food, drinks and fun.  Lots of drinking and eating out - which equates to a roller coaster of other eating issues for the week.

It showed on the scale.

I can't expect anything different.  I knew what I was doing. I'm going to restart this week.

I am going to be alone this weekend.  Which is always tough for me, so I will be making a food plan for the weekend.  Trying to be good, because Monday is my birthday... and what do we do for birthday's?  We celebrate.  UGH

There's always something right?  I just need to make better choices on the non-celebrating days as well as all the rest of the meals.  I can do this.  I'm worth it!

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!

Thursday, September 25, 2014

One week at a time

So, last week was kind of a come to Jesus meeting for me.  I use stress and sadness (and happy times too) to eat.  Stress/sadness is nervous eating.  Happy times of course is celebratory eating.  I can't win.  I have asked myself over and over "What do you really want?"  "Is it worth it?"  Sometimes I say I want this food, it is worth it - and then I regret it... and sometimes I say no and feel so successful.

This week was incredibly tough.  One of my very best friends has just lost her husband (unexpectedly) and the funeral was over the weekend.  I had been over eating way before this all happened and once I found out I noticed every time I thought about her I would eat.  EAT EAT EAT.

And... as you know I've kept gaining, gaining, gaining!

This past week, I really really tried.  I tried not to over eat, I tried to track and I tried to exercise.  I was mostly successful.  My points were not on point, but they were WAY better than I have been.  It did show on the scale this week and for that I'm happy.

BUT, it was a constant struggle.  I still have a long way to go and I'm no longer in my Weight Watcher honeymoon.  I haven't been for well over a year.  This year has been incredibly tough on me - for some reason I just can't stay on track.

However, I am going to continue to work at this.  Continue on what I feel was a super successful week for me last week - even though it wasn't a huge weight loss.  It's still a success and the scale moved in the right direction.  BECAUSE of me.  BECAUSE of my constant thinking about what I really want.

I'm still in it to win it!  It feels good. I felt way better this week and I am excited to see how I can overcome challenges this week.

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!

Thursday, September 18, 2014

I'm not giving up!

This is going to be a very long journey for me... I'm not ready to give up.  BUT I need to figure out how to get myself back on track.  It's not really about counting points right now - because I'm not doing that well.  If I just made one small change to eat healthier, I guarantee at this point I'll lose weight.

Don't be sad for me or want to fix me.  Only I can do this for myself, I know that.  I'm at the point where I've almost gone too far, but not quite yet.  I had a setback this week that could not ever be imagined and I deal with things like that with food.  Which does not make me feel good, but it's like a drug and for the moment of time that I'm eating it - I have a sense of euphoria... then guilt.

Please no comments this week - I don't want them.  I know that you are thinking of me, wishing that you could help, etc. etc.  This is me, I need to do it.

I will hang in there, trust me.  I just need to get through this weekend... and keep remembering WHY I started.

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Hmmm... Make it Happen?

Well I didn't.  I didn't make it happen.  I didn't get to the gym. I didn't do anything really.

I'm not sure what my deal is. I know I'm not going to give up.  BUT I don't know what will get me to kick it in gear.  Perhaps this cool weather we're getting will make me want to get out more?  Eat better?  Not sure, but something has to happen.

The only good news I have is that I didn't gain from last week, I stayed the same.  I guess that's good, but I really need to be losing not staying the same.

You have to eat right and exercise to do that though.  My challenge to myself is to hit that reset button.  I am challenging myself to get into the top 10 of my fitbit friends.  It'll probably take me all week to do it, but I need to make this happen.  I know what I want.  The only way I'm going to get it is by moving more and changing my eating habits.

I want to be Healthfully Ever After!

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Make it Happen

"Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen."


It's time, it's time for me to make it happen.  I'm up.  Up more than I ever thought I'd be.  Why you ask?  Because I'm doing nothing to make it happen.  I'm not counting points, measuring out my food, making good choices, etc. etc. etc.

It's time to make it happen.  Only I can do this for me.

I can't be mad at anyone else but myself.  I can't rely on anyone else but myself.  No one can make the decisions, but me.  I'm accountable, responsible and I can do this.

I will do this!  You'll see.  Next week, you'll see great change from me and my post.

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Cyclical

I had a horrible week for eating.  Emotions took over.  Both kids left to go back to school... one to florida and the other to Denmark (OMG another country)...

So we met for lunches before they flew off to their respective places and I didn't make good choices.  Honestly, this whole week I didn't care.  Sadly.

I'm way up, not weighing in.  I'm going to the meeting but I'm not weighing in.  I know that it is not what I wanted... but I also know I'm human and I use food (still!!!) for comfort.  Even though, in the end, I'm not comforting myself.  All I feel is guilt and disgust.

Don't feel sorry for me... I know exactly what I'm doing to myself every time I go through this.  I will get myself back on track.  I have to.

I still can't wait to be Healthfully Ever After.


Thursday, August 14, 2014

Finished 7 days of clean eating... results??

So that was a challenging week.  Last Thursday when I wrote, I was still doing really well with my clean eating.  I did make it to the end of the challenge, but honestly from Thursday night until Sunday night - it was amazingly tough!  And from that point forward it's been tough...

Here's a recap of my week:

Thursday:  weigh in day.  I did great.  AMAZING - all day.  The challenge here was that we had our last night of fishing league and then a banquet afterwards.  The banquet consists of pitchers of beer and hamburgers for dinner (basically).   I knew this going in, so I prepared myself and had a salad in the truck on the way to launch the boat.  Then, when they were all drinking beer, eating fries and burgers... I had water.  OMG was that hard.  I was so proud though!

Friday:  Friday wasn't hard at all.  I was home all day, still sick.  No temptations, nothing.  However, Friday it was decided that I would go to Fargo for work on Monday morning - Wednesday afternoon.  I started panic mode immediately.  It's very hard to go there and be good, for many reasons.  1) no fridge in hotel 2) some really fun co-workers up there that typically results in drinking and dining (and literally that's all... well other than the work day) and 3) I was with my super fun co-worker that has two kids and likes to have fun when she goes away... and 4) my boss was going too - who is also a lot of fun.  So I had to prepare everyone that I wasn't going out and having fun... but also had to follow through with that.  I also knew that it would be really hard to eat clean when you are going to restaurants for 3 meals a day.

Saturday:  Again, still sick... but again I did very well.  We were super busy Saturday getting ready to have 18 people to our house the next day to celebrate.  I didn't forget to eat, but I had to fit it in (so I didn't get sick).

Sunday:  still sick, but had no choice but to buck up.  I had 18 people coming to my house at 2:00.  I had a dresser that needed to be finished (I'm painting my furniture from my parents house - since they've moved and bought new stuff) because we needed the space in the garage.  Then had to get the garage cleaned out and ready for the peeps.  Sunday absolutely sucked for me... food wise.  I held to my clean eating, but was PISSED about it.  No matter what, if I was eating something that I actually loved, I would have been pissed.  I had a salad, some shredded turkey and fruit.  Everyone else had - fish fry, my home-made tartar sauce, potato salad, pasta salad, buffalo chicken dip, chips and salsa, lemon bars, brownies - fish fry... did I say fish fry.  My very favorite.  I tried staying away from the food table, but my husband needed me to get him things occasionally and each time I had to get something for him - I had to stand by the fresh fish fry.  I had an extremely hard time.  But, I never caved.

Insert Monday:  Left for Fargo at 7:30 am.  Made myself a protein shake so I would be good for breakfast.  For lunch I ordered a tortilla wrap (turkey bacon avocado) and sweet potato fries.  I didn't eat very many fries.  Monday dinner - wha wha.  I wanted a burger.  Nothing more than a burger.  I had to sit through everyone eating one Thursday, Friday I couldn't eat the fish fry... I wanted a friggin burger.  Then I proceeded to have a 20 oz. beer.  Then a 16 oz. beer.  Then we moved restaurants, I had a few bites of appetizers (yes we ordered some after dinner, a couple more people met us out that hadn't eaten and all my co-worker and I ate was a burger - no fries)... I had another 16 oz. beer.  That was it.  It was 10:15, my co-worker said I needed another beer - I knew I didn't.  So I left and went back to the hotel.  She did not, she stayed out.  Didn't get home until 1:30 and didn't feel good in the morning.  I felt really good - I mean  I know I went off plan, but I actually could have been way way way worse.

Tuesday:  I went down to the restaurant to have breakfast.  I ordered grits with no cream (I think they put cream in them because they were AMAZING and I hate grits... I actually didn't realize I ordered grits, I thought I ordered oatmeal).  They were sweet grits and the way they tasted, I knew they were too good to be true.  but I ate them, and I was full!  Like, full!  until we went to lunch.  Lunch was at another freakin burger joint, but I ordered a turkey burger patty, no bun and a side salad.  PROUD!  Tuesday night, we went to a German restaurant... I had a bratwurst (with peppers and onions) and a smiggin of kraut with some potato pasta.  NO BEER.  I was home at 8:30 and in bed.  PROUD

Wednesday:  My last day of the trip.  I went to the restaurant to have breakfast again.  Ordered oatmeal with no cream - it came with a titch of brown sugar (not even a tsp), some raisins and cinnamon.  FABULOUS.  Lunch was on the road, Arbys.  I ordered potato cakes (6 pts - impressive to me) and a turkey deluxe club (13 points - YIKES).  But I knew I could make my evening work with that.  So for dinner I had a piece of corn on the cob, some shredded turkey and salsa.  I had a few bites of popcorn at my parents and then I stopped at DQ (bad choice, but I wanted it).  So I was over quite a bit on my points in the end, but still overall - pretty damn proud of my week!

Today is weigh in day - I am up .6 lbs from last week, but I'm ok with that.  Especially for having to travel for work and eat out 3/day.  I feel like it was a total success.  For this coming week, I'm not going to eat totally clean, but I will definitely be more conscious of bread and processed foods and try to eat clean as much as possible.

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Clean Eating with Weight Watchers

So last week I signed up to start a 7 day clean eating challenge.  The person who started it provides a grocery list for you for the week and then each day (the day before) posts the meal plan for you.  Now, I'm a rule follower so this works well for me.  BUT I am also a planner.  While the grocery list is great to get, I would like to have the week full of meal planning.  I'm not sure though, if I were to get that, would I follow so completely as I have been.

The grocery shopping happened Sunday.  The eating started Monday.  The eating is basically eating foods in their most raw form (prior to cooking of course).

Before I started on Monday... I think I was feeling just as we all felt the day before you knew you were going to start weight watchers.  "OMG I need to eat everything now, because Monday I'm not going to be able to eat anything anymore."

Well we all know how silly that is, but I'm guessing most of you can relate.

So anyway - clean eating.  At first I was just going to follow her plan and not track my food, but then I got really curious.  So I tracked.  I get 34 points a day (I've gained some because at one point I was down to 30 I think).  Day 1 - I was dead on the 34 points.  Day 2 - 1 point under.  Day 3 - I added some extra foods, but will be 7 points under.

Her meal plan is a suggestion and I see many of the folks adding to their meals and if I were to eat the oatmeal with nuts - I'd probably be much less under.  But instead I chose to make the 2 egg, 2 egg white omlette with 1/2 c of black beans and spinach.  7 points.  I was full for HOURS.  I ate that at 8:30 am.  A snack at 10:30 (wasn't all that hungry)... which was 3/4 c 0 fat greek yogurt, with strawberries and honey.  Then at 1:30 I finally ate lunch (wasn't that hungry again) and that was chicken stew with corn, black beans and salsa.  I added avocado to it to give it some fat and flavor.

How do I feel eating this way?  Well, I have many feelings.  1) I'm not hungry at all 2) I'm surprised 3) I feel great (besides being sick) 4) I realized that I'm eating how I did (basically) when I was in my honeymoon phase of WW.  So, really it's a lot like most of us eat when we're ON PLAN... if you're a WW (most of you are or have been - that's how you even know about my blog).

So would I recommend it?  HELL YES

What were my results?  Well they are A-typical.  For a few reasons... 1) I ate a lot of salty bad foods leading up to Monday.  2) I got my period Saturday and it was gone by Wednesday - water weight gone.  3) I'm also sick (although I'm making myself eat what is suggested)... but my results are:

- if you compare from last Thursday to this Thursday I've lost 4 lbs
- if you compare from where I was when I stepped on the scale on Monday to this Thursday - I've lost 8 lbs

Again, my results are skewed due to the reasons I listed... so had I been eating like this all along and not gone way overboard before - I probably would have dropped 1-3 lbs this week.  Regardless... I'm going to continue... because I feel great and I'm loving the food I'm making AND this is the kick/change I needed - to be able to still count points but eat clean.

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Back Tracking

I had an amazing week... in my personal life.  My step-son was visiting last week (as you know) and his girlfriend flew in last Monday night so we did a bit of eating out but it was just so nice to have him around and meet his girl friends.  She's super sweet!

Food wise, I did ok.  I did a lot of back-tracking... meaning I ate and then I tracked later.  Sometimes a whole day later.  My food was not on point, but I tracked as I said I would.  I also went for a run-walk on Saturday.  I got a lot of steps in on Saturday - 15,000 steps.  In general, I moved more last week.

Unfortunately, I re-injured myself with my attempted run.  So now I'm using a foam roller to try and work out my hip / hip flexor problem.  It's extremely painful... as is the foam rolling.  You're probably cringing if you've ever done it.  I hear if you do it often, it's not so bad.  But starting out, it hurts like a BITCH.

It is helping though.

However, with that - I am bowing out of the dirty girl run this weekend.  I'm still going and cheering on my group and the others there, but I'm not participating.  I'm in too much pain (or was) to re-injur myself or make it worse yet.  So I'm bringing my camera and will take lots of pictures.

My husband is going out of town this weekend... which is never good for me.  BUT - I'm going to make my one (HUGE) small change this weekend and NOT get out of control when he's gone.  I'm going to look up healthy/fun recipes to make that he would NEVER eat.  He doesn't like the fancier foods like me - so when he's gone I need to take advantage of maybe some of the funkier-fancier healthy foods that I can't make when he's here.

I'm also going to start a clean eating challenge on Monday.  I'm very excited for it.  But have to get prepared for it this weekend because it's very different (not totally I guess) than how I eat now.  I'm hoping this breaks my sugar issue.  I've also warned my husband.  So by the end of it - we will see whether he loves me or hates me :) LOL

Have a great week, I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Feeling a wee-bit better...

So I weighed myself last week, to gauge how I did this week.  I was unable to go into Weight Watchers for a meeting due to scheduling conflicts.

For the last two weeks, I've barely tracked anything... and I was up.  Up more than I have been in a while.  This past weekend was my parents move, my step son coming to visit as well as his girl friend coming for a visit.  It's been great, but what all that means is we've been eating out and eating mostly crap foods.

Luckily with my parents move and the "other" stuff we've been doing with my step son and girl friends, I've been able to get in more steps than I have been in a long time.  I'm no longer depressed looking at my FitBit results and am climbing back up the ladder with those that are within my friends list on FitBit.

I'm not done at my parents house, but we/they have gotten a lot done since the move on Saturday.  I'll now be putting in time here and there versus ever weekend.  That feels good.  It also feels good that their move went so well.  I mean I knew it would, because my mom is a major planner, but I don't think it could have gone any better.  My mom is happy, less stressed (although she's a high stress person anyway) and in a good place.  Which means I am less stressed.

If you go by what I weighed myself at last week compared to today, I'm down 3.6 lbs.  But if you go by my last WW weigh in, I'm up 1.4.  Either way - I don't feel bad about my results for not tracking a darn thing.  I will say though, I'm back to tracking.  That's the only way I can be successful.  So far, I've tracked my day and I will continue through out the week.

I'm also going to get back to my exercising.  After the move I feel confident that I can get back to my regular exercising schedule.  I may switch it up a bit, but I feel good.  Now to ween off of the chiropractor/massage/physical therapy.  I'm hoping to be completely done with that by the middle of next month.

Wish me luck!  I will need it.  Cheers to a much better week this week!

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Friday, July 18, 2014

I'm not my priority

I am not doing well.  I am not making myself my priority right now.  I'm stressed to the max with way to much going on at home, work and family life.  Therefore, I am way off track and gaining, gaining, gaining.

I have a ton of excuses, but none of them matter.  I cannot continue to gain.  I need to make me a priority, I know this.

Am I going to do it?  Not yet.

My parents finally move this weekend.  I cannot wait.  I've spent the last 2 months, with the exception of 3 weekends sprinkled in there, going down to their house on the weekends to help pack them up.  I do fine when I'm there, because my mom is very supportive.  BUT when I leave, I'm not good.

When I get home and my husband's not home, I'm not good.  I do not do well alone.  I need to get over that part.  I will be working on that once things settle down.

Work is also crazy right now.  In reality, it has been all year.  I am using that as an excuse too... but when I get stressed, I eat.  I've been eating a lot lately.  AND a lot that is NOT good for me.  Giving in to all my cravings.  Obviously I need to work on that too.

I'm just struggling really bad.  I am determined to not let this continue, I just need to get through the next couple of weeks.  Then I will be focusing like a mad woman.  In the mean time, my goal is to stop gaining.  Then... start losing again when I can focus.

I still can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!


Thursday, July 10, 2014

Two Week Update

I didn't intend to not write a post last week, but I totally ran out of time with getting ready for the holiday weekend.  Last week's weigh in was awesome.  I lost a lot of weight, not everything I gained the week before, but well over half of it.

Then comes the holiday weekend.

I did GREAT over the weekend.  From Thursday - Sunday at 11.  Then we got home.  I ate the world.  What the hell!  I don't get it.  I couldn't stop myself.  I guess I know WHY... but I really hate that it affects me.  The WHY would be that I'm a woman and once a month I truly cannot control my hunger and cravings.  As hard as I try, I just can't.

So in the end I ended up gaining this week.  I would say over 1/2 my gain this week is due to my being a woman and the other 1/2 is probably from the last 3 days of eating.  Sad.

BUT, I'm not going to let it get me down.  I'm going to chug along.  I'm proud of my holiday weekend.  I purposefully moved.  My sister in law and I walked 3.2 miles one day and another 2.2 the following day.  BEFORE we would do anything fun for the day.  So I felt good about that.  My back and legs were not liking me too much, but it's a good starter.  I haven't done anything since I got home, but I will this week.  I need to get myself moving.

An update on my accident from April.  I'm still seeing a chiropractor, massage therapist and now added physical therapy this week.  This "minor" accident has really caused me some pain... which is the main reason I haven't exercised in almost 3 months.  I don't like this feeling and it's not good for my weight loss.  So for now, I'm adding in the walking.  Soon, I hope to go back to the gym for my Zumba and weight lifting.

I hope you had a successful two weeks... I walk away feeling pretty good about it - even with the weight gain.

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Getting What I've Always Gotten

How does that saying go...


If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.


Yeah, that was my week in a nut shell.  No planning (really), no tracking, no exercise other than at my parents packing them up (which was actually 8 points worth of work).

To sum up my week... I suck.

But, I will do better this week.  That's all I have to give this week unfortunately.  No wise words of wisdom.  I'm saving those for next week while I get myself back on track this week.

Good luck to you all!

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Cuttin' it close!

Well, well, well.  My week.  Well, my week was ok.  My goal was to stay the same.  We were taking a mini vacation.  Unfortunately, I came down with a horrible cold last Monday and it was cold and rainy for our vacation... our vacation was to go fishing in Lake of the Woods - Roosevelt, MN.  It sucked and I was miserable.  The.Entire.Time.

I did not eat well and I drank more than I should have.

BUT

As soon as we got back, I was on good behavior - with lots of self talk.  I kept repeating... what do you really want!

Sadly, I have to do this a lot.  Like a lot, a lot.

Regardless, I'm back on track and working on getting off that vacation weight.  I cut it real close, I gained 1 lbs.  To me that's cutting it close, but I am not going to beat myself up about it.

What I need to beat myself up about is I need to get my arse moving.  I've not worked out much.  Between all my aches and pains, getting a cold, being incredibly (overwhelmingly) busy at work and helping with my parents move - I just haven't made time for it.  I know that I could make time and really need to focus on that this coming week.  THAT my friends is a goal I will meet this week.

I will purposefully work out (whatever that means) 3 times this coming week.  I will also stay on track, but allow myself a few treats here and there, but my ultimate goal is to stay within my points + my weekly.  That will be a tough goal to meet, but I've done it before.  I can do it again!

Are you with me?

Riiiiight!

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Overly Stressed

Unfortunately and fortunately I'm very very busy right now.  So my post will be short and sweet.

Work is overwhelming right now, but I'm handling the stress well and not turning to eating.  Which is very rare for me.  BUT I'm also friggin sick again.  I came down with a very bad cold this week.  Like really bad, bad enough to miss a day of work.  Should have missed more than that, but I'm too busy to miss work and felt horrible for calling in sick on Monday.

So with that, I'm also trying to get ready for a 4 day weekend up north.  The kind where you have to pack for cold, warm and rainy weather as you don't know what it's going to be.  The kind where you have to bring all your meals, most of what you need for cooking utensils, etc.  The kind that once you get there it's heaven but it's hell to get ready for.

I did well over the weekend, I let my mom help me eat healthy.  We had only a few moments of weakness but nothing to throw me off for the entire weekend.  I counted points every day but Monday.  I was too sick to care what I was putting in my mouth Monday - and I did horrible.  I went to the store and got ever treat that I have wanted and ate them all.

I counted the points for the fish fry and chose to skip dinner that night because of it.  I actually ended up eating peanut butter instead... which I probably could have made a salad and sandwich for all the peanut butter I ate.  But whatever, I was starting to feel sick and I didn't care.

Overall I did well.  I didn't get in exercise, but I did get points for activity because I was constantly moving this weekend... so Friday, Saturday and Sunday were very active days.  So I'm counting that.  The good news for the week is that my back is starting to feel better and I'm so thrilled about that.  I was really scared last week when I was in so much pain.

I ended the week with losing 2.4 lbs.  Which is good.  I'm trending downward.  I'm a little nervous for this mini-vacation because not many people do well on vacation.  I have gathered and packed some healthy things but I know some of the meals will not be so healthy.  I am bringing fresh fruit, salad, nuts and some cheese sticks to ensure I get my veggies and fruit in and have some healthier choices.

Other than having a cold, I'm feeling great.  Much better feeling when you eat healthy.  ALWAYS need to remember that, but it's very hard sometimes when those good foods TASTE good, but don't make you feel good.

Good luck to you this week.

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

I'm Proud

It's not too often that I'm proud of myself when I wasn't perfect.  BUT in last week's post I vowed to be better.  I was much better!

I did go negative into points (almost two days negative), but I've been a lot worse.  My activity this week was 1) helping my parents pack up their house and 2) cleaning my house.  Nothing that's a big deal, but I earned 10 activity points over the week (way lower than I'm used to but I'm pretty sure the week before was like 3... so I was better).

With regards to my food, there were 3 days where I was significantly over and 2 days that weren't bad and 2 days that I was a rock star.  I feel good about that!

If you've been following my blog, I'm sure you know I've been struggling for probably 6 or more months now.  I weigh more now than I did last year at this time... by like 15 lbs or so.  I'm not happy about that.  I'm struggling to find clothes to fit me that I had last year. That's very depressing... and I know it's not what I want.

It's very hard for all of us to stay on track, I'm no different in that respect.  I know that I can't keep down this path.  I know what I want, but I'm not making myself do what I need to do to get what I want.  I've been very weak and very strong at times.  I will repeat what I've always said "you've got to want it bad enough."  Apparently I got comfortable and didn't "want it bad enough" for a while.  I am constantly thinking about my choices - when I make good and bad choices.  Sometimes as I'm saying no, I'm putting it in my mouth.  I've been trying some other natural remedies lately to see if I can curb my appetite and cravings... because I can tell I've stretched my tummy back out.  I need to get it in check, I know that.  I know I can.  I just need to be strong.

My biggest challenge this week is a fish fry on Sunday.  I'm not going to pass it up, meaning I'm gonna eat that fish... and the rest of the stuff.  BUT I will provide some good choices and try to fill up on that stuff before the fish is ready.  If I can be good EVERY OTHER DAY this week, I'll be fine.  So I need to keep that in check!

Wish me luck :)

I did lose this week, a lot.  Everything I had  gained last week.  I've been off the steroids for over a week and I think that helped (I'm way less angry... but also am done with my monthly too - I hate that angry feeling LOL).  I'm still up 15 lbs though from last year :(.

Next week, I vow to be better than this week!  Maybe those are the baby steps I need right now... vacation is coming up after next week's weigh in.  I'm a little nervous for that - but I'll have to make myself a priority and pack healthy snacks that I like... and want.

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Holiday... Celebrate

So of course I went off track during a holiday weekend.  I was away from home and around amazing food, good drinks and fun company.  I knew I'd be off.  I drank more than I normally do.  I actually am not a big drinker (anymore, college did me in).  I don't think my food was all that bad, but sure it could have been better.

I am also "very" sick.  I've been dealing with a tooth issue for over two weeks now.  I deem myself very sick because i had a severe infection in my tooth.  I visited the dentist a few times now and we started a re-root canal process.  NOT FUN.  This tooth had a root canal done over 12 years ago and is now rearing its ugly head again.  Not uncommon for me (unfortunately).

So I was put on a couple different drugs, one being a steroid and another being a very aggressive antibiotic.  The antibiotic made me very sick and very uncomfortable.  The steroid was awesome... but also had it side effects on me.  So I'm up in weight for sure because of that too (not just food)...

I didn't get in any exercise last week due to not feeling well.  I helped garden (a huge mo-fo garden) but that's all I really could do.

Oh and I got my lady friend.

All strikes against me this week, for weigh in at least.  I am starting to feel better.  I'm off the antibiotic as of Monday (was getting delusional - was quite scary) and started feeling more myself yesterday.  Still have an infected tooth, but hopefully after Monday that will all be better.

So obviously I gained (a lot, but not as much as I had thought I would)... but For next week, I commit to be better.  Better with eating, better with moving (I don't care what it is) and better all around.

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Much Better Week

Well I was able to stay on track most of this week.  There were a few days where I let get away from me, but overall I really kept track of what I was doing.

I was probably negative more than I know because the one day where I let go, I stopped tracking.  Wrong thing to do, but it happens.

I didn't exercise at all this week, which is not good for me.  Well I guess if you count planting my garden I got some sort of purposeful movement in, but it doesn't take more than an hour to plant my garden.  So I don't really count it.  However, I am super excited to get a million tomatoes, some peas, green beans, serrano and jalapeno peppers, basil, thyme, dill and some onions.  I hope it does well.

We (my husband) doggie proofed the garden this year.  We have a 3 year old german wirehaired pointer that loves to eat tomatoes and dig in my garden.  So last year I didn't plant because we hadn't doggie proofed it.  Now I'm all set!  I can't wait.

So this coming week will be hard for everyone.  The menu that I know I'm walking into isn't WW friendly... but the meals we are responsible for will have some better options for me.  We also only eat 2 meals a day up there, that doesn't work for me... and no one really gets that because it works for them.  So I'll have to bring some breakfast items for myself to tide me over until lunch.  Dinners are always so late, late for me is 7-8 pm.  We normally eat at 5 or 6.  So that becomes very hard for me.  I'll have to bring some healthy snacks (which I've been thinking about).

I don't want to go all crazy because I still have some weight to get off from gaining the week before (and in general).

I will also definitely get exercise.  My sister in law loves to go for walks, so I know we'll get a few of those in AND they have a huge garden that I help plant every year.  Their garden takes 2-3 hours to plant... with team work.  So I'm definitely looking forward to that!

Anyway I hope you all did well this week and enjoy your long weekend.  I know I need it!

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Relapse

What is wrong with me?  Why do I do this to myself?

I did ok Thursday, Friday and Saturday.  I ate what I said I was going to eat AND I made sure I got my exercise in on Saturday and Sunday.  I allowed my self to be bad Sunday (as planned)... and I thought I could do just one day.  It spilled over into Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.  So much so that I decided not to weigh in today.  I have never done that.

I know I put on a lot of weight.  I'm letting my work get to me.  I am totally stressed out, but trying not to be and when I try not to be - it turns into eating.  A lot.  I mean a lot a lot.

I know I can do this.

I will do this.

Today is a new day.  Today starts a new week.

I will keep myself in check this week.

I will not allow myself to relapse.

Not again.

I want this for myself.

I.  Am.  Worth.  It.

Stay tuned because next week's post will show you that I can do this.

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Pedicure

So during my WW meetings, I think a lot.  I reflect on  my previous week and think about what I need to do for the week to come.  I don't always implement what I say I'm going to do, but a lot of times I talk about it here... I didn't last week, except for what I am doing wrong and what I need to do this week.

What I didn't tell you is what / how I decided I'd try to help myself stay on track.  It's all about beauty, external beauty.  It's coming up on warmer weather time and last year I had decided not to spend money on a pedicure, because I was spending so much money on clothes.  Well, over the last year I have not really lost/gained any significant amount of weight... so everything I bought last spring / summer should still fit this year.  So... I told myself this "If, IF you can stay on plan for 1 week... you can spend the money on a pedicure."  My ability to get a pedicure is not based on a weight loss goal, the goal is to track, exercise and eat healthy this week.  I wanted to stay within my points as best as possible.

So what did I do to keep that fresh in my mind?  I setup a calendar notification to beep at me on the daily.  All it says is "Pedicure".  It beeps at me around 9 am every day.  The middle of my morning.  Happily, each day at that time I've been doing decently.  So every time is has chimed, I've smiled and reminded myself that I want (and seriously NEED) a pedicure.

This week was about a lot of reflecting.  On what I want, what I need to do and exercising a lot of will power!

I had a play date on Saturday morning with my niece.  She and I were going to play Just Dance on the Wii.  When I got there I showed her my Fitbit, which had 765 steps on it for the morning so far.  I told her it was my goal to get to 10,000 steps and asked her if she and I should try to get there.  She was all over that.  After each song, we'd pause and look at my steps.  Some songs were only 300 steps and some were over 600 steps.  She quickly got tired and wanted to quit at like 3600 steps.  I suggested we at least try to get to 5,000 steps... and it would be about 3 songs worth.  She paused the game quite a bit during our 5,000 steps but we made it.  Once we made it, she turns to me and says... how about we go on a walk.  We can get you your 10,000 steps by walking.  So we did.

Except, it was more like a "she rode her scooter" while I ran behind her kind of walk.  We both had to take breaks and she was so supportive... we walked through the wilderness (she drug her scooter behind) and along side an awesome path that is located not too far from their house.  It was amazing, I wish I had a nice path like that... that's not along-side a busy road like the one I often walk.  I could tell she was getting tired, we had just 1500 steps left and we were back at her house. I told her it was ok if she wanted to stop... she asked how many steps I had left and then said - "well...  I think we can keep going.  I think we can get you to that 10,000 steps."  We did... we had to walk in circles in their driveway at the end, but we did it.

I could see how proud she was.

It was the best 2 hours of my life with her.  She is an amazing little girl and such a good support system.  I love her to pieces.

Saturday I went to my sister's house.  Her husband grilled chicken (that I brought) and they made baked potatoes and steamed carrots.  OMG it was sooo good and I felt so good that they thought so much about what I can eat to make such healthy food.  They even cooked up turkey bacon for our potatoes.  I'm sure they eat like that a lot, but it felt special to me.

I am so grateful for my family and how supportive they are.  I also realize how lucky I am, because I know not every person that struggles with their weight has such good support.

The rest of my week was tremendous. I think a lot has to do with the weather.  It started clearing up and getting nicer on Friday.  That helps a lot.  There were tons of people out walking, riding bikes, playing in their yards, etc.  It was nice to see and nice to be a part of it.  My results this week is a loss of 4.4 lbs.  Yes, 4.4 lbs.  I didn't hardly even touch my weekly's and I got in plenty of exercise (20 points worth).  It feels good!  Life is great!

I'm going to continue that into the following week... Mother's Day will be tough, but I need to be tough.  I will be counting EVERYTHING.

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!



Thursday, May 1, 2014

What doesn't make me successful!

I was not great at tracking this week and it showed on the scale.  I basically gained all my weight back from last week except .2 lbs.  A gain of 2.4 this week.  I'm honestly not upset about it because I know exactly why I gained.  I know what I ate, I didn't get my exercise in like I wanted to... I'm having some issues with that (I was in a car accident last week and need to be careful with exercising as I'm in some pain from the accident).

I didn't know what I was going to write about this week because I knew it wasn't going to be a good weigh in... I was so positive and happy last week and that dwindled off quickly by Friday because the pain from the accident set in (and then I got mad... seriously I'm supposed to be really healthy and getting really frustrated with my new found issues - between my foot and now my neck/back issues I'm just beside myself).  I am not willing to give up on Weight Watchers, healthy eating, exercise, taking care of myself, etc. I will not go back to where I was.

With that said, the topic for this week at Weight Watchers couldn't have been more perfect.  We made lists of what "it" looks like when we're doing well or staying on plan and then a list of what a plateau looks like.  While I don't feel like I've been on a plateau, I have definitely gained weight.  Which to me isn't the same.  There is definitely a reason for my weight gain.  These are the things I've been doing lately, to not make me successful:

  1. Exercise
    • My exercise has been spotty AND the cardio isn't there.  
    • I'm not getting in my steps, not even close.  
    • I'm rarely getting exercise points, where I used to get 20-24 a week.
  2. Food
    • I am tracking, but it's very spotty.
    • I'm consistently going over my points.
    • I'm consistently using more than my weekly extra points.
    • I'm consistently giving into temptation... craving burgers, ice cream, sugar, candy, etc.
  3. My Mind / Body
    • My head isn't in the game, I'm constantly telling myself not to do things and then I go right ahead and do them.
    • My mind is constantly thinking about my cravings.
    • By body isn't in great shape any more.  I have a lot of aches and pains and they are winning.
So, these are the things I need to do to get myself back on track.  If I don't, I'm not going to be successful!
  1. Exercise:  I'm going to choose exercises that work for me NOW.  It's probably going to have to be biking and walking for now.  Until I can get myself back in order.
  2. Food:  I'm going to have to figure this out.  I need to meal plan (only way to stick to points and stay within points).  I need to stop giving into my cravings for a while.  Lastly, I need to be strong.
  3. Mind / Body:  it's a slippery slope when you don't move as much, you have more aches and pains.  I'm going to get in some walking and biking like I said and hopefully by doing that my aches and pains will work themselves out.  Then I think the mind will get where it needs to be.
These are not things that I don't know how to do.  My mind needs to win!  My head needs to keep me in the game.  I know I'm not alone.

Have a good week... I'm going to work on staying positive because I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!

Thursday, April 24, 2014

I can do this!

I am not embarrassed of my week this week.  Which, it's been a long time since I could say that.  Now, that's not saying I didn't go way over my points or got all my exercise in... I didn't.  I was over my points for the week by 92 points (that's basically three extra days of food for me... just under) and I only got one walk and one bike ride in this week.

I went for a walk on Easter (totally sluggish walk after what I ate), probably the worst walk (as in how I felt) but felt soooooo good to be outside and I think in the end, really helped me for the rest of my week.  I wanted to go to the gym that day but I didn't get home in time before they'd close.

I went to the gym Tuesday night and rode the bike for 21 miles / 60 minutes.  I do not enjoy the bike at all.  BUT I was proud to have gotten something else in for exercise.

With regarding my points... I'm not sweating it.  Even though I really wanted to try to stay within my points, it just wasn't in the cards for me.  I can say though, that my candy intake was down (at least at work) this week.  That's huge.  I have a really hard time with all the Easter candy my group has available.  I kept indulging and I couldn't stop once I started.  Wednesday was a huge victory for me because, although it was there, I did NOT eat any candy.  Now that I've got that under my belt, I hope I can continue that.

I'm going to shoot for the same goals basically next week... I need to eat less.  Period.  There's no question about that.  BUT I also need to get myself back to the gym OR outside walking (when the weather cooperates).  My goal for this week is 4 work outs!  I can do this.  I can!  I know I can.  I know you know I can.  LOL

My results this week:  a loss of 2.6 lbs.  Whew.  I feel super sluggish as I've put on 15 lbs (now that I took 2 off) and my jeans are tight.  I don't want that.  I want my clothes to feel good again.  I've got a lot of tighter fitting shirts in my closet for spring/summer that I wore last year.  That I need to wear this year.  I have my goals, I need to make myself meet them!  Are ya with me?  Are ya?

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

It's all ME!

As always, I ate like shit at scrapbooking.  It's always my fault and I know it when I'm doing it.  And as always it's hard to get back on the bandwagon after I get back.  I have yet to do so... so it's been one week of eating like pure crap.  I feel like crap.  I know what I need to do.  I'm not doing it.

While at scrapping I threw out my back (well kinda)... I popped a rib out twisting somehow.  I ended up having to go to the chiropractor Friday afternoon and continuing it at least into this week.  I'm all sort of out of wack, it's not just my back.  They have adjusted both wrists, shoulders, ankles, hips, my neck and back.  My back and abdominal muscles are hating me, they spasm all day long.  It hurts.

Hence I haven't really worked out at all in a week either.  I took two walks in the last week and that's it.  So... you know what I'm going to say next right?  I gained 5 lbs.  It sucks.  I feel terrible.  I'm not happy with myself about it.  But, all I can do is get back on the wagon.  This shit isn't going to fix itself.

It's time I get my shit together or I'm going to be very sorry!   Working out is up in the air until I have my xrays read... I need to figure out what I can/can't do right now.  So, this week.  I'm back to tracking and seriously going to focus on staying within my points (and within the extras).

I need to do this for me!

Good luck to you this week.

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

I got Costco'd

My emotions this week are totally mixed.  I exceeded my fitness goals and was happy doing so.  I got my weight lifting work outs in, my biking in (did an extra 15 minutes) and my extra extra work out was a 4 mile walk.  Which I enjoyed very much.  One week ago today we had a snow storm, 8-10 inches of snow fell.  As of yesterday ALL of our winter snow is gone!  People are outside walking, smiling and just looking healthy and happy.

I left yesterday (Wednesday) for my scrapbooking retreat that I do 3 times a year.  January, April and October.  Up until Tuesday my food was pretty much in check.  I was down over a pound.  I felt great... BUT then 4:00 p.m. Tuesday came.  I don't know what it is, but when I am "on vacation" I go into major vacation mode which means FOOD.

It's all I can think about.  Treats, treats, treats.  It first started out by getting "costco'd".  If you don't know what that means, it means I went through Costco during sample time.  Oh. My. Gawd.  They had great samples.  A few of the samples I had, I've actually bought the product before so I know what they tasted like.  Samples are supposed to be for things you haven't had and should tempt you to buy and try.  I went by one sample booth 3 times.  WTF!!!  I ended up buying it.  It was a greek yogurt jalapeno artichoke dip (awesome).  I still don't know the points for it, but it is fantastic.  Of dips, it's on the lower end.  I also bought the crackers to go with it.  They are gluten free after-all LOL.  I aslo bought another snack I shouldn't have and ate that for dinner followed by a blizzard (medium).

Other than that and some candy at work that I counted, I did well for food choices.  My weight loss this week was ZERO.  I stayed the same.  I guess that's better than gaining, but I truly thought I would lose at least one pound.  So I'm a little upset about it.  Not enough to totally throw me off, but I am scrapbooking... which means that there's shit food galore around.  I have a hard time saying no to the goodies.

I'm going to try my hardest to keep in check.  We'll see how it goes.  In the mean time, my fitness goals remain the same this week... 2 hours of bike and 2 days of weights.  I may try to fit in 3 days of weights because I'd like to start a leg routine.  But with being away until Sunday, that may not happen this week and may be a more attainable goal for next week.

Wish me luck as I wish you luck to be healthy and happy this week!

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

My Foot Sucks

So last week I talked about how much my foot hurt and that I met with a Podiatrist (and a Physician in training).  They told me to have an MRI done and then meet with the Dr. to discuss my results.  Well I did that on Tuesday.  I found out that I do not have tendon issues NOR a stress fracture.  What I have is early stage of Arthritis.  Where the arthritis is (where he thought I may have a stress fracture) is not a place where bones can be fused, these bones must be mobile.  So my options for treatment are 1) to try out orthotics to see if they can help 2) take an anti-inflammatory, but not more often than 2 / week and finally 3) steroid injection (if I can't manage the pain occasionally).  What does this do to me?  It makes me sad, feel sorry for myself and PISSED.  PISSED as hell.  WTF, I'm just adding to the list of areas where I have arthritis.  I already have it in my knees and hand (self diagnosed).

With those feelings comes the want to eat... eat to mask my feelings.  Well we all know that's not going to help.  Tuesday was the best day I had for food.  I had to work really hard not to eat my way through the day, but I was successful.  In fact, my husband and I went to the gym together and worked out (instead of sitting at home like I wanted to and feel sorry for myself).

Basically I just need to do exercises that don't hurt / irritate my foot.  Well there's not much that doesn't irritate it right now.  Even the biking irritates it... BUT I'm working through the pain and icing it afterwards.

I will probably rest it yet another week before I attempt to run or zumba... maybe even longer.  The doctor did not say that I had to stop those activities but basically in a matter of words said to make good decisions - because it's not going to be healed or go away.  It may not hurt all the time, but I need to be careful not to irritate it.

My foot this week sucked, yet again.  I made some good decisions and did some things well, but then others just blew it out of the water.  I can contain myself for a good part of the day and then BAM!  I binge.  It sucks.  I could be doing so well if I could just get that in check, because my exercise is on point.

I met all my exercise goals this week... 2 days (1 hour each) on the bike and 2 days weight lifting.  I don't like doing either of them... but I can tell (already) that the weights will be good for me.  I just need to force myself to do it.

My goals for this coming week is the same as last, but to try to focus more on my food.  I don't want to be -107 points again, like I was this week (and even more negative the week before). My weight loss results this week... I lost 1.2 lbs.

I'm going to shoot for being half that negative... so -50.  Maybe baby-steps of getting that in check will help me get back on track altogether.

I can't wait to be Healthfully Ever After!

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Patience is NOT my middle name

Last week I was in the "I feel sorry for myself mood" and the "I want what I want mode".  As you know my foot has been acting up.  I had an appointment made for this coming Monday to have my foot checked out.  It's not been getting better (really) and I wasn't super excited about the office I had made my appointment at.  So I decided to go to a different place.  Part of the reason behind that was because I knew they could get me in earlier than almost two weeks out AND I had been there before for my bunion.  So I called and made an appointment and got in yesterday.

We still don't know what's up with my foot.  I had a PA look at it before the other Dr.  The PA wasn't as "rough" and my foot hurt differently for her than it did for the other Dr.  She said she would recommend an MRI because the xrays didn't show anything really, but she could tell there was definite discomfort.  She thought it was two tendons in my foot... I think what they told me was the Peroneous Brevis and the Peroneus Tetius tendons, but shit I don't know.  When the gentleman Dr came in and checked it out... he pushed MUCH harder (I almost cried and instant got the sweats) and moved my foot differently.  He said he thought it was the Cuboid or possibly my tarsometatarsal joint... could be a hairline fracture or something.  So he too recommended an MRI be done.

So I go back next tuesday for the MRI and then I meet with him to go over the results right after... that's good news so I don't have to wait too long.

BUT this makes me sad.  I can't exercise like I want to... so I'm using it as an excuse to eat and feel sorry for myself.  There's plenty of exercise I could and should be doing, but I'm not.  I'm just sad.  I've eaten and drank everything in site and it showed on the scale.  I gained 1.8 lbs this week.

My goal is to slap myself this week... and get my food in check.  I cannot continue this up and down (mostly up) spiral.  I'm tired of it and disappointed in myself.  Doing this does nothing for me except put me further from goal.

I do still say and believe this though...

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

I Got Lucky

This weekend was the Get Lucky race.  My first 7k.  When I signed up I was so excited - mainly because of the sweatshirt they give you for signing up.  When I picked up my packet back in December I got even more excited because I bought some extra fun stuff - a tshirt, headband and stocking cap.  I was all geared up to start my training 2 months before the race.

I did start the training, but failed at keeping it going each time.  Then I had a couple of bad runs and was totally soured... in addition to the crappy temps.  I kept telling myself that I wouldn't run the race if 1) the roads were icy 2) the roads were snowy 3) if it was too cold, etc. etc.  So I think I started believing that I wasn't even going to to do it at all.  So you can see that I was totally unprepared for the race.  Totally.  Actually I was probably making myself sick over thinking about it over the last few weeks.

Well race week came.  I decided I wasn't going to even attempt a pre-race run because my foot was really bothering me (from the burpee challenge).  It was flaring up my plantar facitis and causing other issues to that foot as well.  So I thought it would be best to just do what I could during the race.  A few of us decided Thursday afternoon to look for a hotel room because we kept hearing about how bad it was to get into downtown, park and get to the race on time.  That actually made me a bit more excited... but still had the attitude that I was going to walk the majority of it.

left to right:  Amanda, Kara, Jackie, Me and Sarah
Us girls were joking about just running at least two minutes and then walk the rest.  But.  There was one of us that was like no, we are doing this.  We are running.  Then another gal got on board.  The other gal and I were like, well I guess it's you and I doing this together.  Kind of joking - but I think in the back of both of our minds we were thinking "we'll do what we can and that'll be good enough."

We all started out together.  It was cold, 10 degrees (or something like that).  We stood outside for probably a good 20 minutes before we got to the start line.  I did my zumba in line to get myself warmed up.  I was cold and miserable, so I needed something to heat me up.  The race started.  Kara ran ahead of us because she's a big time runner and really good!  Amanda and Jackie basically pulled out ahead of Sarah and I right away.  I never saw them again after about 2 minutes of running.  Sarah and I stuck together the whole time.

If you don't know what 7k is, it's 4.35 miles.  Longest run I've ever attempted.  I stopped once quick to grab water... walked up a half of a bridge and the rest (THE REST) I ran.  I basically ran the WHOLE thing.  As did Amanda, Jackie and Sarah.  Sarah and I crossed the finish line together.  It felt great.  I don't think we could have been more proud of ourselves!  Our time was 58:15.  I've never run that long or that far in my life.  In fact a year ago, I could have said I've never run in my life (on purpose).


Amanda and Jackie were 3 minutes ahead of us in their time...  not too shabby for 4 girls who didn't train a ton for a race!!!

It feels good.  I am proud... and now will be meeting with the foot doctor on the 31st because my foot is in sad shape.  I'm not sure what activity I can commit to this week or next (until I see the doctor).  I'm icing my foot a few times a day and will figure out what I can do to get some sort of work out in.  Maybe this is where I start my weight lifting again (I need to do that anyway).

I did lose weight this week - 1.2  I'm down 84.2 lbs now.  I'm not eating the greatest, so I don't feel the greatest and hoping to totally re-focus my food intake especially since my work outs need to be adjusted for now.

Take care and I wish you well this week... I hope you're proud of me too (and the other girls and runners).

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.




Thursday, March 13, 2014

Two Year Anniversary

Well hello there... I'm happy to "see" you're reading my blog.  Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it, but I do know some of you out there do like to read it.  Some expect it.  And some, well they read it if they have time and it happens to come up on their Facebook feed when they're scrolling through.  Either way I'm cool with it.

Today marks my two year anniversary of being on Weight Watchers.  I've lost a total of 83 lbs in two years (at one point I was at 96 lbs lost... but I've been on quite the cycle lately).  A year ago I was down 78.4 lbs... so over the last year I've only netted a weight loss of 4.6 lbs.  So those of you that get discouraged of losing only .2 or staying the same, know that we all struggle.  All.Of.Us.  I'm actually pretty proud that I've managed to lose some in the last year... way better than gaining some (or all back).

So... onto the week.  This week was interesting.  I made some really great decisions and didn't do so well on two days... which is WAY better than I've been doing.

What I'm most proud of is that on two occasions I decided to wait until we got home to eat versus picking a restaurant to go to.  I was starving on both of these days, one Saturday and one Sunday.  I chose to wait until I got home because I knew that if we went to a restaurant, then I would pick something I shouldn't have (and we had pre-made food at home that I knew the point count).  One of the two days I actually made myself sick because I didn't eat "on-time".  I get sick and/or a migraine if I wait too long to eat.  It's weird because it's not a specific number of hours, I just know enough now that when I get the "feeling" I know I need to eat NOW.

I'm also proud that I'm still doing the burpee challenge.  I'm sure that I could be doing them better, but I'm able to do them my way.  Which is with the jump up, but no push up.  I'm sure my legs could go out further than they do sometimes, but I know I'm doing better with doing them the way I'm doing them than not at all.  Am I right???  (as long as I don't hurt myself of course)

I am continuing to go to Zumba.  Work is still very stressful so one of the days I had planned on going, I couldn't because I ended up working that night instead.  I was mad and feeling sorry for myself so that's one of the nights that I did terribly (Tuesday).

The other day I didn't do well was Saturday evening.  I went to the movies and had popcorn (a medium) and some reeces pieces and junior mints (this was all by myself).  The good news is that I didn't choose to eat the movie sized candies, they were the regular sized.

So I was negative this week, by plenty.  But, I've been much worse.  In fact I'm super proud of my lunch one day.  I hated what I brought for work... it was like the 5th day I had to eat it.  So I tossed it because it didn't taste good anymore.  So I ate an orange, some cucumbers and then contemplated going to our lunch room and getting their special (which was a buttery club sandwich with pasta salad).  I really wanted my friends lunch (she even offered half to me, probably because as she ate it - I sat there drooling), she had Erbert's & Gerberts Flash Sandwich.  I kept saying no I didn't want her sandwich and was thinking of what I could eat because I know I was going to get hungry.  All of a sudden I remembered I had cream of wheat at my desk. I made and ate that.  It was just fine to help tide me over until snack time (yogurt and almonds).

So I'd say this week was a total win!

I gained .2 this week.  Not sure why... no answers or excuses this week.  In general I did WAY better than I have been.  So I guess it's just not my week.  I'm losing the same 15 lbs again, so of course I'm angry at myself about that but seriously... at least I'm back on track.  Thinking about what I need for me and making it happen 95% of the time!

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Debby-Downer No More!!!

Last week we went on a mini-vaca up north (WTF were we thinking, it's freaking COLDER up there.  It was -24 below [actual temp without windchill] every day we were there) to go ice fishing.  While most of us caught fish, I ended up drinking and eating because I was not one of those catching fish.  I am up 2.4 lbs this week (ugh... my own fault) - I did not meet my goal of staying the same for the week.

While that part is bad, I DO have a good update.  I've been back to Zumba AND I'm doing the burpee challenge.  I didn't have appropriate shoes while we were up north (can't believe I didn't think about it because I was determined to do them up there) and I can't do it without shoes on because my feet are so bad.  In fact, it hurts my feet even with shoes on... but I'm doing this! We got home Monday and I had too much to do so I didn't do them either.  But Tuesday (after Zumba) I did day 2-6.  I'm on Day 8 today.  Every part of my body is S.O.R.E.



On another note:

I know I've been a debby-downer for a while now... I'm trying to snap out of it, but it's really hard.  I have been eating good for a few days and bad for most of the others.  My vacations are over now.  All of my excuses for splurging are gone until April 9.  Time to kick some ass!

I am committing to this:  I will hit my 100# by April 10.  I have 5 weeks to get this weight off.  I have 16.6 lbs to get off to hit this number.  That means I need to lose about 3.3 lbs a week.  I need to keep in my head that this can be done - I know it's a hefty goal!

Today marks the start of my goal.  I'm going to do it!

I can't wait to be Healthfully Ever After!



Thursday, February 27, 2014

STRESSED to the Max!!!

I don't have a lot to offer this week... I'm spent.  I am overly stressed at work, eating a crap load and not getting in as much exercise as I would like.  I have been working until 8 every night this week - ONE night I did come home and work out for an hour... but it was because I ate a box and half of cookies and felt like complete shit (damn GS Cookies).

My accomplishments for the week (there are not many)

  • Went to costco to get fruit for the week, cut it up and did eat it all week
  • Cut up all the veggies and made salads for the week and ate them (almost all of them)
  • Even though I knew I was going out to eat on Sunday, I still made a meal so we'd have left overs to eat for the week (I knew it was going to be a busy one.
  • I went to zumba 1 day this week (sad that it was only 1 day)
  • Per the first paragraph, after working a 12 hour day I still came home and did a video work out
  • And last, but certainly the MOST major accomplishment is... I went in to the jewelry store just to have my ring cleaned and ended up getting is sized down (I was waiting to reach goal to do this, but it's just too big).  I went from a 6 3/4 to a 6 (and it's still a little big)... but it looks and feels like brand new :)   I think this will actually be a big motivation for me (YAY, I freakin need something with this shitty weather we have here in MN).



I'm not sure how I pulled this off but I lost 2lbs this week.  And tomorrow I leave for an ice fishing vacation.  Very little movement will be happening there, but I started a burpee challenge today (day 1 complete... this is going to be hard because I was breathing hard at 5) - so at least I'll get some sort of exercise while I'm there.




Wish me luck, my goal is to stay the same next week!

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

W.O.W.

Wow, is all I have to say.  When I'm off, I'm off.  I did a terrible job this week.  I didn't hardly track at all.  I was in training Thursday and Friday and after training on Friday I headed down to my parents house for the weekend.  My mom is good at feeding me good foods, but I can still find the hidden foods in her house (and dammit I look!)

I got home Sunday afternoon and left again for a business trip Monday night and got home last night.  Not wanting to cook any dinner of course so we went out to dinner.  I was not good, I had that mentality of "well I've already effed up the week, why not tonight too."

So it begins, the downward spiral.  Oh how fast that can happen.

I have not worked out since last Tuesday night.  I have not planned a meal in over a week.  I have no motivation to do either of those things.

I must.

I must.

I must.

Today is my reset / restart.  I am officially back on track.  I hate the fact that I've had to restart so many times in the last 7 months... but at least I'm able to refocus myself.  I have to, I do not want to be back where I was.

I just just need to figure out what it is that will inspire me once again... I know I will.  I just need to push myself.  Food is not worth it.

I'm not sharing my results this week, just know it's bad and I'm sad about it... I'm back to where I was the week before Christmas.  Please pray for me that I get myself refocused and back on track.  I need all I can get right now.  I need to remember how good I feel when I eat right!

Take care and have a great week.

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Just Eat It Already!

So, this was an interesting week.

I did ok Thursday (not perfect, but ok) but I still wasn't "back on" completely.  I tried really hard, but wanted something sweet.  So I ended up getting an ice cream cone at DQ, which I didn't really have the points for.  So I dipped into my weekly extra points.  No big deal, right?  Since it was Thursday and they start all over.  The big deal was that I needed to cut myself off of that downwards spiral and I didn't.

Friday was a hot mess.  A shit storm, if you will.  I ate what I had planned for breakfast and lunch, but I had quite the set back once I left work.  I made some horrible choices... I still wanted that damn burger that I didn't allow myself to order on Wednesday night.  So I had it.  That was that.

THAT, was my reset.

I got that craving out of the way and from that night forward I was "healed."

I did well on Saturday (I went over points, but it was because of wine - TASTY wine.  I count the wine, but it's not usually something I crave, so when I allow myself to have it and it takes me over my points, I'm usually not too worried because that's not something that will KEEP me going in the wrong direction).

Sunday - OMG Sunday, I was a beast! I got up and lounged around... full well knowing I needed to get my ass to the gym and run (my race is in 5 weeks!!!).  I hadn't run in a week and half (just over) and my last run was HORRIBLE.  So I kept putting it off because I had such a bad experience the last time.  My husband made us breakfast (eggs, ham, veggies and cheese scramble) and I was making up my grocery list for the little trip I needed to make.  I didn't get out the door to the gym until 11.  I got up at 8 am - so needless to say I was surely taking my time.

I got to the gym and spent more time stretching out BEFORE (I never do that, I just do a 2 minute warm up walk).  I had talked with a co-worker (hey girrrrrrl) about what stretches she does and tried some of them.  I think it helped some (I have a major foot issue going on - with my heel and achilles) and will continue to do the stretches before running.  I actually need to start doing them before Zumba as well. I'm getting to the point where just walking hurts.  So if doing this for a few more weeks doesn't help, then I need to go to the doctor and have it looked at (bummer!!!).

After I ran, I went to the grocery store (like I mentioned) and ONLY got what was on my list.  I was going for a few staples and ingredients for this venison chili we wanted to make.  OMG it was good... and I dislike venison (a lot).  Here's a link to the recipe if you're interested, really you could use a lean steak or maybe even pork if you wanted  (we didn't make the corn bread or creme fraiche).

Once the chili was done, I was starving so I ate quick.  Then decided (while eating chili) that I was going to go to the drums class at the gym.  I'm sooooo glad I did.  At the end of the day I had over 8 miles in, 18,000 steps and 14 activity points for the day (a normal day with zumba only, I get about 4-5 activity points).

The rest of my week has been great.  I've eaten well, exercised much and feel good!  I'm so glad I got that damn burger in because that craving was running my life!  So the moral of the story is, sometimes just give in to that darn craving.  It may be just what you need to get over that hump.

The results for the week were piss poor though.  So I weighed in at a different location than normal.  Usually I can judge how I'm going to do at my weigh in (when going to my regular place) by getting on my scale.  Which hasn't budged much since last week (MIND BAFFLING)... but I technically would have been down 0.2 lbs this week had I weighed in normally.  I went to a center and I was up by 0.4 lbs.  Granted I feel heavier this week, my period feels a little messed up.  I'm not supposed to get it (techically) until next week - but I will most likely get it this week.  All the signs are there (I hate the signs and the feeling).  So I'm not going to sweat the scale.  I just can't.  I know I did WAY better this week than last, so moving on.

Anyway, I'm going to have another good week... lots of activity and eating healthy.  I hope you do too!

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.


Thursday, February 6, 2014

A Failed Plan

Wow, WOW is all I have to say.  I did horribly this week.  There were many reasons behind why my week was horrible that I don't want to go into and I really hate excuses.  But sometimes "it is what it is" and "we do what we do" based on our situation.

I'm not HERE because I know exactly how to eat when I'm in stressful or emotional situations.  I'm guessing you're probably tracking with me if you're reading my blog.

I was thinking about why I ate what I did at my scrapbook retreat... because we always say this isn't the last time you're going to have these foods in your lifetime so you don't need to indulge THAT much.  I indulged, it was on different things.  Some things I've had before, some things I hadn't had before and some things that are just a major weakness of mine.  I didn't follow my "plan" at all.  I knew what I was doing while I was doing it, but apparently I didn't care enough to change it.

All I can do is think about how I can make changes NOW and move on from such a horrible week.  This coming week SHOULDN'T be a week challenged with temptation.  One never knows what's going to come up or trigger those bad habits, but right now I don't foresee any issues.

I can say I'm super stressed at work and I really need to figure that out.  I need to figure out how to channel that differently.  The stress isn't going to go away so I need to figure out how to deal with it.  Oh, and I need to go grocery shopping.  Badly.

That's all I've got for this week, sorry it's short and not so sweet.  I promise next week's post will be better.  My results for the week are a gain of 6 lbs (yeah, that's right WOW!!!).  aaaaand now I need to hit the 90# mark AGAIN (so frustrating, but it's all my fault!!!).

Good luck to you this week, I know I'll do much better!

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Left Alone

Hello, My name is Tabitha... and I'm an over eater.  Forever will be an over eater.  Honestly, I think this problem I have is just like any other addiction.  Food can kill people too!  People die of obesity all the time... it just may not be the official diagnosis.

I'm not a doctor (obvsies) but I do know that over-eating is a sickness.  I will forever have to watch what I'm eating.  As most of you know, I'm on the Weight Watcher (WW) plan.  I have been following it for almost 2 years now.  However, this is not my first rodeo.  Honestly I've probably joined and quit WW 7 times (that I can actually count, the first time I was in 3rd GRADE)... so many that I have lost count.  I would say that's a lot - given I'm only 40.  I've also done and joined other weight loss programs in between all of the WW join-ings.

I only got to goal weight 1 time of all of these.  I kept that weight off for 2 years.  I was pretty proud of that because I had never kept off weight before for more than probably 6 months before I started gaining it back.  I KNOW I'm not alone in this.  Many people in my WW group have joined several times.  Some people are ashamed of that, I actually think they should be proud.  Proud that they never gave up.

I tell you this because I'm one of them.  I will not give up.  This time is so different though.  I know I'm never going back.  NEVER.  People never say never, I just know that I will do everything in my power to stay healthy and not gain that weight back.  However, with that said... I have moments where I cannot be left alone.

I usually do well when my husband is here in the house.  I typically do well during work.  It's when I'm left alone in the house that I have issues.  When I get bored, when I'm working on something I don't like, when I get mad, when I'm super happy and celebrating... all of these are reasons I use to eat.  I work very hard on stopping myself.  I talk to myself a lot.  However, sometimes it's not enough.  And you know what?  I'm ok with that.

The first time I got to goal weight I never gained an OUNCE in 9 months.  I got to my goal weight and then I started going up and down.  Eventually, I ended up gaining everything back (plus another 40 lbs).  That was a gain of 133 lbs over 8 years.  That's not a lot of time to gain that much.  This time around, it's been 2 years (almost) and I'm hovering around that 90 lb mark and have been since June. Since then, I've been as close as 4 lbs from 100 and as far as 15 lbs.  It's very frustrating... but I always know why.  It's because I end up binge eating, or I allow celebrations, vacations or holidays to get in the way.

I did just that this weekend... I binge ate.  I binged for 3 days.  I didn't do horribly on Thursday, but I was NOT good.  The only reason why I say it wasn't that bad was because I still had some weekly points left over (Thursday is the start of extra weekly points... so I would hope that I would have some left over after the FIRST day).

Friday was terrible.  Absolutely terrible.  I ate until I did not feel good.  I'm not going to go into what I all ate (because I think you would need your heart re-started) but I can tell you my day started with a cupcake and ended with Häagen-Dazs®  the whole pint (28 points - I get 31 for the day).  I also ate breakfast, lunch and dinner that day.

Saturday I was good up until about 6 pm... my plans changed from what I was expecting and I was having a pitty party.  So the food intake was INSANE once again.

It really scares me sometimes how much I can binge like that.  The good news is that since Sunday I've been doing amazing.  I've actually not been able to eat all of my points - not surprised... but kinda surprised.  Only because before I would have just ate all my points and probably more and just move on.  I'm not condoning what I did at all, it's not healthy to do that.  But I know it's normal for some of us.

The moral of my story is... just remember it's not the end of the world when you go so far off track.  You can always get back on... and it's important that you do.  It's worth it, I promise.

After Saturday I was good, very good.  Actually had a terribly stressful last few days where I haven't eaten much at all.  So I was able to make up for it - but I do not recommend binge-ing NOR making up for it.  I ended up being down 1.8 this week.  My total is once again 94.2 lbs lost (I've been here before - several times since June 2013).

I do have a big challenge ahead of me.  I am currently at my scrapbook retreat.  When here I struggle with making good choices.  I am  really going to try and be decent. I won't be perfect, but I'm going to be more conscious than I was last time.  Wish me luck!

I hope you have a fabulous week and really think about what I said... you can recover.  You can do it.  You just need to want it bad enough.

I know that I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.