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Thursday, September 26, 2013

Stress Eating!!!

Hi, My name is Tabitha MacKenzie and I am a stress eater!

UGH, I know I want to be good.
I try to set myself up to succeed.
Then I get stressed and panic.
Then I eat, and eat and eat.

I seriously want to slap myself sometimes.  I know what I want and I know how to get it, but I let myself get derailed sometimes.  It's so frustrating.  So very very frustrating!  Can you relate?

I've talked about how I do a lot of self talk - sometimes just inside my head and sometimes I talk out loud - to myself.  I know when I'm doing (read "eating") something that I shouldn't be.  I tell myself I don't want or need it.  Then I immediately get off my ass and go get it.

This week was no different.  I had three really BAD days and 4 really good days.  We talked about that last week and most people have bad days right after weigh in... I chose to do every other day basically this week.

Thursday - I hit up DQ for a blizzard.  Just felt like having a blizzard... well - they are buy one get one for 99 cents.  So... unfortunately I ordered two and ate two.  At least I chose small, but should have chose mini if that's what I was going to do. 31 points (that's my whole day) in blizzards, oh and I ate lunch, breakfast and dinner too. :(

Saturday's was stress/guilt eating...  I'm feeling guilty for getting what I've wanted for a long time.  My husband won a gun safe recently and it's huge.  We don't have the room for it really and where we originally wanted to put it, it took up too much storage space (which our house does not have an excess of).  I scrapbook.  I've wanted my own scrapbook room for a very long time.  My step son moved away to college.  Like away away.  Like we live in MN and he is now in Florida.  What I'm getting at is we turned his room into my scrapbook room and turned my old scrapbook space into the gun safe/dog kennel area.

None of it looks like I had envisioned it.  I have a lot of stuff and it didn't fit into the room as I had thought it may.  I wanted to take my time and put the room together, but that's not my husband's style.  He's a get it done kind of guy - especially when it doesn't really mean anything to him.  So needless to say - he was stressing the shit out of me.  So I hit up Dairy Queen.  By myself.  I was not good.  I didn't have the points for it if I actually wanted to eat a meal as well... I didn't eat a meal, but was still well over my points (two small blizzards consumed again 32 points - again my total day and I had breakfast and lunch... and then ended up snacking later because I was hungry!).

Monday was also a cluster-f*ck... again STRESS EATING!  I brought lunch... which was chicken fajitas.  Was just going to eat the chicken and veggies... there was no chicken left (except for two chunks -- which was probably less than an ounce of chicken).  So I went downstairs to our cafeteria... was going to make a sandwich - meat looked grey (no way I was going to eat grey meat), the special was grilled cheese (loaded with butter and cheese) and tomato soup... still trying to be good.  Went to the soups - Chicken Gumbo (fairly healthy, but didn't look or sound appetizing to me) and then there's the salad bar.  I'm saladed out right now.  So.. I decide to get in my car, drive to Wendy's.  Told myself I'll get a grilled chicken sandwich and a frosty (no fries) and be semi good (totally frustrated already so I deserve a treat right?).  There were 20 people waiting in the drive through line AND the parking lot was full - so I wasn't going in.  I got mad, beyond mad - almost so frustrated I wanted to cry.  I left and went to McDonalds - got a quarter pounder with cheese (and bacon) and a medium fry.  Then drove to the grocery store because I wanted a treat - WTF!  I got oreos.  I ate two row, yes two rows of oreos.  The oreos were 35 points (more than my days worth of points) the McDonalds was 26 points... I didn't eat dinner... well I had a WW Smoothie with strawberries and water - so a 2 point dinner.

On a good note, I did work out as anticipated - I did zumba Friday, ran 3.1 on Sunday and water aerobics Monday & Tuesday... so for that I feel good about my week.  But for the "other" above reasons, I feel bad about my week!

Something new that I'm trying (for motivation and inspiration):  I joined in on Jillian Michaels Diet Bet.  It started (officially) on Tuesday 9/24 and goes for 28 days and the goal is to lose 4%.  If you lose that 4% you get your money back... and for those also in the bet that don't lose the weight their money goes in a pot (less the diet bet cut - I don't know the percentage) and those that did meet the goal get to share in those winnings.  Not a bad game and is a great motivator (at least for me).  So, if I meet this goal of 4% (8.4lbs... yeah, you can do the math and see what I weigh) I will be over my 100# hurdle.  THAT, my dear, is why I joined the diet bet.  I need to get over this hurdle (as you know, if you've been reading my blog all summer).

Unfortunately, the timing of weigh in does not coincide with my weigh in with Weight Watchers... so I'll be posting progress each week for both - WW and DietBet... as the scale weights are different.  Since I weighed in on Sunday - my DietBet weight loss is 2.2 lbs and my weekly Weight Watcher result was a loss of 1.6 lbs.  My total is now 95.2. FINALLY hit the next 5 lbs!!!

Whoooo hooo!!!!  I'm closer to my goal weight!!! ...and

I can't wait to be Healthfully Ever After!

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Keep on, Keepin' on!

I hope you all had a good week.  I know I did but it was with much effort though.  I really tried staying on track for the whole week, with one day where I veered off and had a plate of fries and a hamburger (oh and a beer).  I have no clue how to count a hamburger where there's artichoke dip on it (to die for) - but I counted the whole meal as 60 points.  The rest of the days I stayed within my daily points (or within a few points of that).  I really wanted to get myself back on track and the one way to do it is to go cold turkey and retrain your mind that you don't need all that food (even though you want it).

The only other down fall to this week is that being a woman certainly has it's disadvantages at least once a month... unfortunately this is my time.  Therefore I think the weight loss this week would have been even better had I tried this the week before or week after.

Anyway - lets get to it.  Last week I said I was going to do the following:
  • I'm going to go to water aerobics 2x in the next week
  • I'm going to do some other cardio routine another 2x per week
  • I'm going to continue my plank challenge and going to complete my Guns Buns and Abs challenge (I have 5 days left - minor delay from being under the weather)
  • I'm going to stay within my points (utilizing the extra's) but not go negative!!!
I accomplished ALL of the above and in addition I finished the guns buns and abs challenge!

Can you believe it?

I do have to say though the plank challenge is really hard! Like.Really.Hard.  I'm going to continue doing it, even if I have to break up the total time, because doing some planking is better than doing no planking.  I can certainly feel that my body is being worked regardless of whether I break it up or not.

I say that because I was super down on myself when the plank rose from 1 minute to 1 1/2 minutes... and I couldn't hold the position the whole time.  I seriously almost cried.  I mean I've done everything else I've tried - so why can't I do this?  I don't have that answer, but basically slapped myself in the face and said no matter what you're going to keep trying and not give up.  So you have to break it up?  Big deal... pull up your skirt and just get it done.

That's my motto right now... none of this is easy, but if I give up then what do I get in return?  Probably weight gain and go back to where I came from... and I tell you what - THAT, my friend is!!!!

I will not give up.
I will keep challenging myself.
I will prevail.

You all know that I've been struggling all summer - hovering around that 90# weight loss.  Well this week, I  lost 1.4 lbs, my total is now 93.6!  To keep myself going I've joined in on the Jillian Michaels Diet Bet.  Where you put up $30 and you have 4 weeks to win your money back (and possibly more) - all you have to do is lose 4% of your body weight in 28 days.  This starts September 24th (weigh in starts September 22nd) and goes for 4 weeks.  I am going to blow that 100#'s out of the water!  Mark.My.Words!

Always remember... You have to want this for YOU and no one else but YOU!

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Rough Times

I've been struggling lately.  My head is NOT in the game.  I need it in the game.  I've not been meeting my goals and need to start pushing myself again.  Any of you out there struggling?  I'm sure there are, but I hope it's not you.

  • I've had a hard time getting myself onto my NEXT big exercise routine.  I've been doing my challenges but they are not enough.  I need to get running again (I have a 5k in two and a half weeks).
  • I've had a hard time staying within my points... which that's nothing new, but without the extra exercise I'm struggling to lose or even maintain.
  • I've had a little lack of motivation... which I don't understand.  I feel great, I feel even better when eating well and exercising.

So those are three of my dark secrets.  I need to make some short term goals... those seemed to work for me in the past, so here it goes.  I vow to follow these for the next week to see what kind of results I get in return.
  • I'm going to go to water aerobics 2x in the next week
  • I'm going to do some other cardio routine another 2x per week
  • I'm going to continue my plank challenge and going to complete my Guns Buns and Abs challenge (I have 5 days left - minor delay from being under the weather)
  • I'm going to stay within my points (utilizing the extra's) but not go negative!!!
My results this week - I lost 1.8 lbs... I'm sure it was because I was sick (thank God!).  My total is, yet again 92.2.  I was here at the beginning of August.

Don't give up, I'm not!  What can you set as a goal this week???

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Keeping Your Head In the Game

I had a decent week, I wouldn't say I was perfect... but I did much better than the week before.  But before I get into the actual details of my results this week lets talk through my week.

Last Thursday after weigh in I had a doctor appointment. The first thing the doctor said to me was wow you're still losing weight, that's great!!!  I was so happy to hear her say that as she and I have not always seen eye to eye (she's brutally honest but also doesn't like to hear what I have to say as she sees them all as excuses... maybe they were???).  Anyway my visit was about a blood pressure check up.  You see I want to get off my blood pressure medicine and it's been a struggle with her to take me off of it.  I explained to her this time how dizzy I've been when I get up (it's bad and it's often).  But she of course said it's not due to my blood pressure medicine and did a small test on me.  Apparently I have some sort of vertigo and I need to do some exercises for it (I've not been good about doing them yet).  However.. with regards to my blood pressure medicine - slowly but surely over the last year and a half my medicine has been cut down.  From two pills to one, from one pill to half that dose and on this visit... he did agree to halving my dosage again (small victory).

Ok, moving on...

I got in more exercise than the week prior.  I'm doing two 30 day challenges right now - Plank and Guns Buns and Abs.  Both are fairly difficult, however I can put up with a lot for a short amount of time.  Here's a picture of my two challenges:

It's been fun (Yeah right) so far... I'm on day 5 of the plank challenge and day 23 of the Guns Buns and Ab challenge. I've not noticed a lot of inches lost but I have a very soft body so I honestly think I am losing inches but they are just moving down my body instead of tightening so far (if that makes sense).  Plus over this summer I sure haven't lost a lot of weight - but I've mostly kept up with my exercising.  Where I can tell is in my posture, my running, my clothes.

Speaking of running, I hadn't run in almost two weeks due to the heat (I'm not good in heat) but decided to go out Tuesday night and not follow my couch to 5k program but just to see how far and long I could run.  I did a 5k and walked only .09 of the 5k.  My time was 42 minutes (not good really) but I'm satisfied with it.  I'm satisfied because I haven't really kept up with my training (weather and laziness I guess) but I can still do it.  I have a 5k at the end of this month and I'm hoping to get better than 37 minutes.   That would make me very happy.

So, results this week...  I lost .2 lbs.  I'm so struggling with hitting that 95 lb mark and not sure why.  I've been up and down all summer hovering around the 90 lb mark.  I don't know if it's mental or what... but I seriously need to kick it in gear.  I want to be in maintenance mode so badly, but am so so so far from that.  I have 56.2 lbs to go, that's A LOT of weight yet to lose.  I know I can do it, I do try but of course not as hard as I did in the beginning.  I've been struggling with losing points as I've lost weight (go figure).

I'm hoping that as we approach fall, I will be able to fully reset and start hitting these 5# goals out of the park.  Cooler weather means I'll likely be outside more than I was before... whether it be walking or running - I don't care.  I just want to be outside in the fresh air.  I'm also going to be doing more cooking, so that I can just heat up left overs.  That works well for me, so now I need to pull out my tried and true recipes that my husband and I like and cook away!

This past weekend was a holiday weekend but my husband and I kept it pretty low key - so I was lucky in that I wasn't tempted with holiday foods.  This weekend we are in an 8 hour fishing contest, so I'm going to have to plan and pack appropriately so I don't mess up what I did this week (I know one day won't kill me but one day usually turns into more days of being not so great).  I don't mind going over my points and using my extras, so I should be fine... I just have to remember to keep my head in the game.

How do you keep your head in the game?

Have a great week and remember, I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!