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Thursday, September 26, 2013

Stress Eating!!!

Hi, My name is Tabitha MacKenzie and I am a stress eater!

UGH, I know I want to be good.
I try to set myself up to succeed.
Then I get stressed and panic.
Then I eat, and eat and eat.

I seriously want to slap myself sometimes.  I know what I want and I know how to get it, but I let myself get derailed sometimes.  It's so frustrating.  So very very frustrating!  Can you relate?

I've talked about how I do a lot of self talk - sometimes just inside my head and sometimes I talk out loud - to myself.  I know when I'm doing (read "eating") something that I shouldn't be.  I tell myself I don't want or need it.  Then I immediately get off my ass and go get it.

This week was no different.  I had three really BAD days and 4 really good days.  We talked about that last week and most people have bad days right after weigh in... I chose to do every other day basically this week.

Thursday - I hit up DQ for a blizzard.  Just felt like having a blizzard... well - they are buy one get one for 99 cents.  So... unfortunately I ordered two and ate two.  At least I chose small, but should have chose mini if that's what I was going to do. 31 points (that's my whole day) in blizzards, oh and I ate lunch, breakfast and dinner too. :(

Saturday's was stress/guilt eating...  I'm feeling guilty for getting what I've wanted for a long time.  My husband won a gun safe recently and it's huge.  We don't have the room for it really and where we originally wanted to put it, it took up too much storage space (which our house does not have an excess of).  I scrapbook.  I've wanted my own scrapbook room for a very long time.  My step son moved away to college.  Like away away.  Like we live in MN and he is now in Florida.  What I'm getting at is we turned his room into my scrapbook room and turned my old scrapbook space into the gun safe/dog kennel area.

None of it looks like I had envisioned it.  I have a lot of stuff and it didn't fit into the room as I had thought it may.  I wanted to take my time and put the room together, but that's not my husband's style.  He's a get it done kind of guy - especially when it doesn't really mean anything to him.  So needless to say - he was stressing the shit out of me.  So I hit up Dairy Queen.  By myself.  I was not good.  I didn't have the points for it if I actually wanted to eat a meal as well... I didn't eat a meal, but was still well over my points (two small blizzards consumed again 32 points - again my total day and I had breakfast and lunch... and then ended up snacking later because I was hungry!).

Monday was also a cluster-f*ck... again STRESS EATING!  I brought lunch... which was chicken fajitas.  Was just going to eat the chicken and veggies... there was no chicken left (except for two chunks -- which was probably less than an ounce of chicken).  So I went downstairs to our cafeteria... was going to make a sandwich - meat looked grey (no way I was going to eat grey meat), the special was grilled cheese (loaded with butter and cheese) and tomato soup... still trying to be good.  Went to the soups - Chicken Gumbo (fairly healthy, but didn't look or sound appetizing to me) and then there's the salad bar.  I'm saladed out right now.  So.. I decide to get in my car, drive to Wendy's.  Told myself I'll get a grilled chicken sandwich and a frosty (no fries) and be semi good (totally frustrated already so I deserve a treat right?).  There were 20 people waiting in the drive through line AND the parking lot was full - so I wasn't going in.  I got mad, beyond mad - almost so frustrated I wanted to cry.  I left and went to McDonalds - got a quarter pounder with cheese (and bacon) and a medium fry.  Then drove to the grocery store because I wanted a treat - WTF!  I got oreos.  I ate two row, yes two rows of oreos.  The oreos were 35 points (more than my days worth of points) the McDonalds was 26 points... I didn't eat dinner... well I had a WW Smoothie with strawberries and water - so a 2 point dinner.

On a good note, I did work out as anticipated - I did zumba Friday, ran 3.1 on Sunday and water aerobics Monday & Tuesday... so for that I feel good about my week.  But for the "other" above reasons, I feel bad about my week!

Something new that I'm trying (for motivation and inspiration):  I joined in on Jillian Michaels Diet Bet.  It started (officially) on Tuesday 9/24 and goes for 28 days and the goal is to lose 4%.  If you lose that 4% you get your money back... and for those also in the bet that don't lose the weight their money goes in a pot (less the diet bet cut - I don't know the percentage) and those that did meet the goal get to share in those winnings.  Not a bad game and is a great motivator (at least for me).  So, if I meet this goal of 4% (8.4lbs... yeah, you can do the math and see what I weigh) I will be over my 100# hurdle.  THAT, my dear, is why I joined the diet bet.  I need to get over this hurdle (as you know, if you've been reading my blog all summer).

Unfortunately, the timing of weigh in does not coincide with my weigh in with Weight Watchers... so I'll be posting progress each week for both - WW and DietBet... as the scale weights are different.  Since I weighed in on Sunday - my DietBet weight loss is 2.2 lbs and my weekly Weight Watcher result was a loss of 1.6 lbs.  My total is now 95.2. FINALLY hit the next 5 lbs!!!

Whoooo hooo!!!!  I'm closer to my goal weight!!! ...and

I can't wait to be Healthfully Ever After!

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