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Thursday, November 20, 2014

Busy Busy Busy

There's a lot going on personally in my life right now so the updates may be few and far between for the next few months.

I will be doing my best to make decent choices but for now my family is my #1 priority.  I apologize if this is letting you folks down, but right now it's just too much for me to maintain the blog, try and focus on my food and take care of some personal matters.

I'll keep you posted on my progress as often as I'm able.


Thursday, November 6, 2014

My Holiday Goal

So, I've not been the most positive person lately.  You can tell from my posts I'm sure.  It's been quite the last 8 months.  I've gotten myself into quite the depression and struggled and GAINED A LOT of weight back.

I'm not jumping on the "I'm Back Baby" bandwagon, but I'm certainly trying.  I always think about what I'm eating/doing but as of most recent, I've not been in control.  I know what I've been doing is wrong and can't stop myself.  I literally ate 3 candy bars worth of candy in one sitting... maybe even more.  Just shoveling it into my mouth.  I know it's because the Halloween candy is easy to come by, but for goodness sake, how am I even able to do that without getting sick?

I can't answer that, but I didn't get sick.  I didn't feel great, but I didn't get sick either.

Last week at weight watchers I spoke with my leader a bit about a plan for the week.  The plan was that if I could track, then I could buy myself this tasty popcorn.

I didn't track all week long, I made it a day and a half.  UGHHHHH

So I didn't track, big deal.  I'm not going to beat myself up about it.  There's no point, it's done and over with.  But, what I did do for myself is I finally started to exercise.  I started Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred (3rd time... probably my most used video).  It sucks.  It's hard.  It's do-able... I'm modifying it right now since I'm so out of shape, but I'm doing it.

My husband actually told me that he was proud of me this morning, because I got up to work out before I started work.  Needless to say, I can tell he's not been real proud of me lately (neither am I, but ughhhh it's hard to see it in his face).  It did make me proud of myself too, because I hate mornings... but the fact is, I did it.  It's over for the day and I wish I could do that every day... that, is not possible.  I'm not getting up at 4:30 in the morning to work out.  I seriously hate mornings.

Anyway - I'm proud of myself for this last week.  I was not perfect (had a lot lot lot of candy) but I did something good for myself... not just the working out but my lunches were better for me too and by Tuesday my dinners were on track as well.  I still have a bit to work on and it's only going to get harder through the holidays.

I do have a plan though.  My plan is to continue my 30 days of shred.  Which will put me at the first week of December.  By the end of next week I will have my plan in place for what's after that.  Because I am most definitely going to continue working out. A person makes much better choices if they are exercising.  It's that plain and simple.  You just don't want to undo what you just worked so hard to do.

Eventually my plan is to get back to the gym.  But I'm not ready for all my gym friends to see how much weight I've put on.  I'm THAT person... but I'm also wasting $32.00 a month by not going.  So that is my ultimate goal!

There you have it... I'm getting myself back into a better place.

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Hiatus

So I went on a short hiatus.  Hoping to get my act together before I made another post.  Unfortunately during my hiatus, I ended up going away (planned) for 5 days.  5 days of fun with friends and food.

It did not go well.  I made bad choices and of course they showed on the scale.

My mother is extremely upset with how I'm doing and is blaming herself.  Which absolutely drives me crazy.  To the point where I've now gotten mad at her for ever bringing it up.  It doesn't help me one bit for her to say things like that and just makes me angry.  She now knows it, but is still making reference to it.  She needs to stop (I know you're reading this).

This is my journey... good or bad, the choices I make are mine.  It has nothing to do with what you have in your home.  It has everything to do with how I choose to eat.  What I choose to do when I'm alone.

My injury and inability to exercise right now has not helped, although this week I'm feeling much better and HAVE to exercise.

I do not feel sorry for myself, but I do need to figure out why I'm not putting in the effort.  I loved how I felt when this weight was gone.  I loved where I was going.  I need to remember that.  Still allow some fun, but I need to get back on the saddle and ride this journey out.  I need those bad foods/choices to go away!

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!


Thursday, October 9, 2014

Annibirthday Week

So it was a week of celebrations... it was my birthday Monday and my anniversary yesterday.  What does that mean?  Well since my husband and I don't do much for presents these days it means eating out.  It also means that for my mommy and I.  I've celebrated well this week.

It showed on the scale, not surprised.  But I am surprised that it's not more.  However, I will say that I did TRY to eat less during other meals (didn't always work) that weren't the celebration meals.  At least that's a step in the right direction.

I failed at tracking.  I will be tracking this week, starting now!

Have a great week...

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Bad Bad Girl, Naughty!

I had a fantastic weekend!  Friends, food, drinks and fun.  Lots of drinking and eating out - which equates to a roller coaster of other eating issues for the week.

It showed on the scale.

I can't expect anything different.  I knew what I was doing. I'm going to restart this week.

I am going to be alone this weekend.  Which is always tough for me, so I will be making a food plan for the weekend.  Trying to be good, because Monday is my birthday... and what do we do for birthday's?  We celebrate.  UGH

There's always something right?  I just need to make better choices on the non-celebrating days as well as all the rest of the meals.  I can do this.  I'm worth it!

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!

Thursday, September 25, 2014

One week at a time

So, last week was kind of a come to Jesus meeting for me.  I use stress and sadness (and happy times too) to eat.  Stress/sadness is nervous eating.  Happy times of course is celebratory eating.  I can't win.  I have asked myself over and over "What do you really want?"  "Is it worth it?"  Sometimes I say I want this food, it is worth it - and then I regret it... and sometimes I say no and feel so successful.

This week was incredibly tough.  One of my very best friends has just lost her husband (unexpectedly) and the funeral was over the weekend.  I had been over eating way before this all happened and once I found out I noticed every time I thought about her I would eat.  EAT EAT EAT.

And... as you know I've kept gaining, gaining, gaining!

This past week, I really really tried.  I tried not to over eat, I tried to track and I tried to exercise.  I was mostly successful.  My points were not on point, but they were WAY better than I have been.  It did show on the scale this week and for that I'm happy.

BUT, it was a constant struggle.  I still have a long way to go and I'm no longer in my Weight Watcher honeymoon.  I haven't been for well over a year.  This year has been incredibly tough on me - for some reason I just can't stay on track.

However, I am going to continue to work at this.  Continue on what I feel was a super successful week for me last week - even though it wasn't a huge weight loss.  It's still a success and the scale moved in the right direction.  BECAUSE of me.  BECAUSE of my constant thinking about what I really want.

I'm still in it to win it!  It feels good. I felt way better this week and I am excited to see how I can overcome challenges this week.

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!

Thursday, September 18, 2014

I'm not giving up!

This is going to be a very long journey for me... I'm not ready to give up.  BUT I need to figure out how to get myself back on track.  It's not really about counting points right now - because I'm not doing that well.  If I just made one small change to eat healthier, I guarantee at this point I'll lose weight.

Don't be sad for me or want to fix me.  Only I can do this for myself, I know that.  I'm at the point where I've almost gone too far, but not quite yet.  I had a setback this week that could not ever be imagined and I deal with things like that with food.  Which does not make me feel good, but it's like a drug and for the moment of time that I'm eating it - I have a sense of euphoria... then guilt.

Please no comments this week - I don't want them.  I know that you are thinking of me, wishing that you could help, etc. etc.  This is me, I need to do it.

I will hang in there, trust me.  I just need to get through this weekend... and keep remembering WHY I started.

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.