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Thursday, January 30, 2014

Left Alone

Hello, My name is Tabitha... and I'm an over eater.  Forever will be an over eater.  Honestly, I think this problem I have is just like any other addiction.  Food can kill people too!  People die of obesity all the time... it just may not be the official diagnosis.

I'm not a doctor (obvsies) but I do know that over-eating is a sickness.  I will forever have to watch what I'm eating.  As most of you know, I'm on the Weight Watcher (WW) plan.  I have been following it for almost 2 years now.  However, this is not my first rodeo.  Honestly I've probably joined and quit WW 7 times (that I can actually count, the first time I was in 3rd GRADE)... so many that I have lost count.  I would say that's a lot - given I'm only 40.  I've also done and joined other weight loss programs in between all of the WW join-ings.

I only got to goal weight 1 time of all of these.  I kept that weight off for 2 years.  I was pretty proud of that because I had never kept off weight before for more than probably 6 months before I started gaining it back.  I KNOW I'm not alone in this.  Many people in my WW group have joined several times.  Some people are ashamed of that, I actually think they should be proud.  Proud that they never gave up.

I tell you this because I'm one of them.  I will not give up.  This time is so different though.  I know I'm never going back.  NEVER.  People never say never, I just know that I will do everything in my power to stay healthy and not gain that weight back.  However, with that said... I have moments where I cannot be left alone.

I usually do well when my husband is here in the house.  I typically do well during work.  It's when I'm left alone in the house that I have issues.  When I get bored, when I'm working on something I don't like, when I get mad, when I'm super happy and celebrating... all of these are reasons I use to eat.  I work very hard on stopping myself.  I talk to myself a lot.  However, sometimes it's not enough.  And you know what?  I'm ok with that.

The first time I got to goal weight I never gained an OUNCE in 9 months.  I got to my goal weight and then I started going up and down.  Eventually, I ended up gaining everything back (plus another 40 lbs).  That was a gain of 133 lbs over 8 years.  That's not a lot of time to gain that much.  This time around, it's been 2 years (almost) and I'm hovering around that 90 lb mark and have been since June. Since then, I've been as close as 4 lbs from 100 and as far as 15 lbs.  It's very frustrating... but I always know why.  It's because I end up binge eating, or I allow celebrations, vacations or holidays to get in the way.

I did just that this weekend... I binge ate.  I binged for 3 days.  I didn't do horribly on Thursday, but I was NOT good.  The only reason why I say it wasn't that bad was because I still had some weekly points left over (Thursday is the start of extra weekly points... so I would hope that I would have some left over after the FIRST day).

Friday was terrible.  Absolutely terrible.  I ate until I did not feel good.  I'm not going to go into what I all ate (because I think you would need your heart re-started) but I can tell you my day started with a cupcake and ended with Häagen-Dazs®  the whole pint (28 points - I get 31 for the day).  I also ate breakfast, lunch and dinner that day.

Saturday I was good up until about 6 pm... my plans changed from what I was expecting and I was having a pitty party.  So the food intake was INSANE once again.

It really scares me sometimes how much I can binge like that.  The good news is that since Sunday I've been doing amazing.  I've actually not been able to eat all of my points - not surprised... but kinda surprised.  Only because before I would have just ate all my points and probably more and just move on.  I'm not condoning what I did at all, it's not healthy to do that.  But I know it's normal for some of us.

The moral of my story is... just remember it's not the end of the world when you go so far off track.  You can always get back on... and it's important that you do.  It's worth it, I promise.

After Saturday I was good, very good.  Actually had a terribly stressful last few days where I haven't eaten much at all.  So I was able to make up for it - but I do not recommend binge-ing NOR making up for it.  I ended up being down 1.8 this week.  My total is once again 94.2 lbs lost (I've been here before - several times since June 2013).

I do have a big challenge ahead of me.  I am currently at my scrapbook retreat.  When here I struggle with making good choices.  I am  really going to try and be decent. I won't be perfect, but I'm going to be more conscious than I was last time.  Wish me luck!

I hope you have a fabulous week and really think about what I said... you can recover.  You can do it.  You just need to want it bad enough.

I know that I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Test Results Back

Wow, that's all I can say.

Y'all know that I went to the doctor a few weeks ago and they allowed me to do a trial run of taking me off my blood pressure medicine and while I'm off I need to check my blood pressure and record it.  I have yet to do that, but I really need to do it!  Today marks the first day of checking that out.

Anyway - they always have me fast and take blood.  I am THE WORST to get blood from. I don't like it, I can't watch and they can never find my veins.  They dig the needle around in my arm to fill two small vials.  It hurts and they barely get enough.  No matter how much I hydrate beforehand.  I get all worked up and it makes it worse.

Anyway - I just got my test results back.  There is NOT ONE bad number in the bunch.  For everything, I'm within the range and typically on the low end of the range on most.  The one that most people would recognize is cholesterol... My overall number is 152.  Normal range is 0-199, I'm 152.  I remember a while ago seeing that number and I was anywhere from 205-211.  WOW!!!  Breaking those down, my HDL is 48 (normal >40) and my LDL is 86 (optimal range is <100).

Other numbers that are important to me are:
Glucose - 72 (normal 70-100)
Potassium 4.1 (normal 3.5-5.3)
Creatinine .69 (normal .52-1.04)
Calcium 9.2 (normal 8.4-10.2)

I would say I'm well on my way to being and staying healthy.

Another test I had was a mammogram.  I had it last Friday.  It did not hurt (that bad) while having the test done.  However, I hurt for DAYS after.  Wow... they were sooooooo bruised.  I've been a little scared to have that one done.  I do not have breast cancer running in my family (that I know of) but it scares the bejeezus out of me.  Mostly because I wear electronics on my bra - both the fitbit and the activelink from weight watchers.  In addition when I was running this summer I threw my phone in there too (I mean why not right?!).  I have since seen links (not sure if it's urban myths or not) to breast cancer and cell phones... and I feel weird sensations when my devices are not on my bra.  When I'm not even wearing a bra.  I'm sure it's just that I'm used to having them there... but regardless.  I've been really scared to know my results.

The results also came back this week and they are all normal.  WHAT A RELIEF.

Anyway, I digress.

I had an OK week.  I got my pyramid (that's period for the lay-person) yesterday and that always makes for a good time for me.  I get horrible cramps and I bloat somethin' fierce!  I've been extra hungry this last week and I wasn't so careful.  I wanted to be, but the cravings got the best of me.  Even yesterday... which is rare for me to blow my day the day before weigh in.

My results this week are that I lost 1.8 (my total is 92.4... I've been here before).  I'm surprised but not surprised.  I'm surprised because I wasn't that great with food this week, not surprised because I weigh myself every day.  I' surprised because I did over eat this weekend and I didn't work out Thursday - Sunday (can you believe it???).  (I'm not surprised because)... I needed a break and you know what??? My works outs Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were rock star quality.  So remember that... sometimes your body needs a break so that you can do more and make more out of those work outs that you do fit in.

I am not working out tonight or tomorrow night either.  I'm hoping to get to Zumba on Saturday, if I don't then I will be doing one of the Insanity work outs (OMG I'm scared) or my other Shaun T work outs.  Other than that, I'm going to get myself back in check with my food (should be easier now that the pyramid has come and hopefully goes fast - hee hee).

I hope you all have a fabulous week and remember... I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!

Friday, January 17, 2014

Announcement: Major Accomplishment

Well... let's see.  What happened this week?


Some of you already know this... I have been taken off (completely off) my blood pressure medication!  This is a big big deal to me.

Over 2013 I was taken off one (of two) blood pressure medicines, then the one I was left on was cut in half and then cut in half again in August.  At that time my doctor told me that I would most likely be on blood pressure medicine for the rest of my life, she was not liking the idea of taking me off.  She said most people, as they age, need it to maintain good / healthy blood pressure and a lot is done through medication.

I had a follow up appointment scheduled for January 10th.  It was for a full physical.  I was called and told to fast for blood work, etc.  That was the Friday before the appointment.  Then, the following Monday, I was called and told my doctor suddenly was going to be out, for 3 weeks, and I needed to re-schedule my appointment.  When looking at dates, the earliest I could get in was February.  I didn't like that... they then told me I could meet with 2 other doctors.  One was a man (EEK - it was my annual visit as well) and the other was a woman (yay)... If I went with the woman I could keep the same date and get an appointment about 20 minutes earlier :)

So, I booked my appointment with her.  It was weird.  I've had the same doctor for over 20 years... and she's very harsh.  This new woman was younger than me (WAY YOUNGER).  She was massively pregnant.  Seemed very cold.  Didn't love her... until she took me off my blood pressure meds.  She said I needed to make a 1-2 month follow up appointment (I made a 2 month appointment) and I needed to take my blood pressure 2-3 times per week between now and then.  I agreed to that (DUH).

So, I'm pretty darn excited and I now like her.  Very much!!!  I think this was fate stepping in to allow me to prove to my regular doctor that I'm healthy enough to be taken off med's altogether.

That was Friday... after that news I was so excited I celebrated.  It was weird.  I probably ate the most crappiest foods I've eaten (at once) in a long long time.  I don't know why or what happened but I couldn't control it.  Thankfully the very next day I got myself back on track.  I was still a bit off due to a birthday party, but seriously WAY better than the day before.  Sunday - Wednesday I was a perfect, I mean perfect, little weight watcher.

I said last week that I was going to cut out a few days of exercise, I couldn't do it.  I actually exercised every day, but I did try some new ones to mix it up.  I got two 3.1 - 3.5 mile runs in (I needed to to start training for my 7k), I did a kickboxing and drums alive class (OMG drums alive is fun) and I did zumba 2 days.  This week (because I didn't write yesterday) I can tell you I took off Thursday (I needed it) and I think I'm taking today off as well.  I will be getting up early tomorrow morning to run before I jet out to look for a new town home for my parents (with my mommy, so excited!!!).

My weigh in wasn't terrific... I'm not sure why.  I thought I'd really drop the weight - but I didn't.  I lost .2 (better than gaining).  I'm hoping for more of a drop this coming week and like I said, I'm working out at least 2 less days this week :)  We'll see what that does to the scale.

Take care and have a wonderful week!

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Holding Steady

I've had a great week!!!  Not scale wise but as far as continuing to feel in control and getting back into my routine.
  • I went back to the gym Friday night... Saturday, Sunday and Monday.  Oh and Wednesday.  All were Zumba except Sunday, Sunday was Barre class.  
  • I did ok with my points this week except one day I just couldn't get full and was hungry all day. So we hit up Pizza Ranch (not good, well it was... but you know what I mean).  Another day I had a hamburger, waffle fries with seasoned sour cream, beer and ice cream... went out for dinner before the P!nk concert.
    • Used all my exercise points, all of my extra weekly's and 17 more to boot
However, with all the good I've done this week (and having two amazing weeks) comes the bad.  I gained 4.6 lbs this week (total weight loss to date is back down to 90.4 lbs).  If I look at my week I don't see where THAT would come from... but I didn't see where losing 11.4 in two weeks came from either.  Payback is a bitch I guess.

I'm not going to get upset about the gain because I know I didn't do that bad and hopefully the weight will come off this next week.  However, I will admit I'm a little sad.  I keep seeing that 100# coming closer and closer and then jumps away again.  So I am very sad about that.  Not sad enough to blow all my hard work, but just sad.

Getting my appetite back has been quite a challenge for me to stay on track, plus adding back in the work outs is also hard for me because it makes me hungry.  Like I said, I was good and did what I needed to do with my food (for the most part)... but i think after those two weeks of losing over 5lbs each week, my body is all out of wack.

I'm holding steady, but really struggling with what I need to do to switch things up.  I added Barre class (I love/hate this class).  Unfortunately I think I need to cut down on a zumba class or two - but I really don't want to.  I like the two instructors that I go to, but I think in order for me to drop weight I need to exercise a titch less.  That totally bums me out... but it's that mental game.  I know exercising is great for me, but if I want to drop that weight (I do, I really really do) then I need to adjust and work out less.

I'm also thinking about trying to eat clean... or do the new Weight Watchers Simple Start program.  They say it's easier and you don't have to think.  You should do it for two weeks for that jump start.  I worry about doing that for several reasons...
  1. I feel it's more restrictive (even tho they say it's not)
  2. I'm not loving the looks of the meals they suggest doing for the two weeks (I know I can switch it up, but then much more planning has to be done - I don't want to make time for that)
  3. There's no tracking, I know I can still track but if I have to think a bunch about meals and track I feel like I'd fail (I know you won't fail if you really want it bad enough)
  4. I think if I just continue what i'm doing this week, it will show on the scale next week

I don't know.  I'll let you know next week what I decided!  I will commit to this much for this coming week - I'm only going to work out Saturday (Zumba), Sunday (Drums Alive!), Tuesday (Zumba) and Wednesday (Zumba).  I also need to get at least ONE run in... to set my baseline and start training for that damn 7k looming over my head (in just about 2 months).  Well looks like I'm not really cutting much out - Monday Zumba that's all :( and replacing that with running.

Good luck to you this week, remember eating healthy makes you feel so much better!

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Let's Get This Party Started!

Happy New Year to you all out there in inter-web land, I hope you rang in 2014 with a bang.  I sure did, meaning I was up until midnight (actually past midnight... but midnight is impressive enough).

I'm not a big NYE fan.  I used to be when I was young and single, but as I got older the whole NYE Glam has really dulled.  Up until NYE we have no plans, it wasn't until about 2 pm that we actually made plans.  We had some friends come over and we grilled steaks (by "we" I mean my husband, it was -12 degrees out - no way in HELL that I'd be out there grilling) and had some cheesy broccoli and red potatoes.  It was DELISH... then we sat on the couch and watched TV.  Totally exciting... we had a lot of fun but just aren't the partiers we used to be :)

Anyway enough of New Years Eve stuff.  I know I posted recently giving you the update from last week... losing 6 lbs and all, I was pretty damn excited.  I was also very scared for this past week because losing 6 lbs in one week is always hard to follow up on.  I mean, it's hard to maintain a loss like that let alone try and lose again.  Luckily, for me, I got sick.

I got the worst cold/flu that I've had in ages... I'm still recovering.  BUT the upside is that I couldn't really binge eat.  There was only one day where I didn't eat all my points, because I just couldn't eat.  The rest of the days I ate at least all my points and then some.  My goal this past week was to try and stay within my points plus using my extra 49 points of course... and I did it.  I can't believe it, but I did it.  My extra point balance is exactly ZERO.

It was hard though - my appetite came WAY back on Sunday.  So I had to exercise a lot of self control from Sunday on.  I planned out my day (food planning of course) as best I could each day (even NYE  I was not terribly over on points) and adjusted my food intake if something "came up."  I feel really really good (hungry, but good) about my will power this past week.  What I don't feel good about is the fact that I haven't exercised since the day before Christmas Eve.  It's crazy, but I am just not feeling all that well.  I will be making it back to the gym starting Friday night, but it just seems weird not to be exercising.

I know a lot of people think New Years Resolutions are so cliche, and I kind of do too... but if that's what works for you to kick off your 2014 trying to be healthier or losing weight or whatever - then go for it.  I am continuing on with my quest to get to my goal weight, but my ultimate goal is to stay fit and active.  My resolution though, is to learn Photoshop.  I really need to do that :)  Let's get this party started!!!

My goals for this upcoming week are:
- get back to the gym
- eat healthy, I do not anticipate any roadblocks this week (I hope I'm right)
- stay within my 49 extra points again

My results for this past week are that I lost 5.4 lbs.  CRAZY!!!  In the last two weeks I've lost 11.4 lbs.  I'm 1.2 lbs away from my lowest weight during this journey and that was hit October 3, 2013.  I've almost lost everything I gained from birthday season - Christmas.  This is exciting stuff!!!

I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!