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Thursday, December 19, 2013

Letting You Down

I apologize for not posting last week.  I didn't weigh in, I was not a good girl and I was away at training for two days.  Then getting myself all ready for Christmas.

I am really struggling here.  I know if you've read my blog over the last 6 months I've been really up and down.  Had some super highs and super lows.  I am starting to make myself worry... I feel very out of control with my food and it's showing on the scale.

I've said this over and over and over - exercise is not my problem.  I have continued to exercise.  Sure I've had some weeks where I haven't exercised as much as others.  But it is a priority of mine.  My food though is way out of check.

I used to journal all the time.
I used to put everything I put in my mouth in my journal.
If I didn't know the points, I made a number up... usually on the "higher side."


Now, I'm not journaling as much.
Now I'm making excuses that I don't know how many points something is - so I don't write it down.
Now I'm eating everything in site (I'm still thinking, in my brain, that I shouldn't eat something).
Now I've gained over 10 lbs back.
Now, I'm scared.

I'm giving myself a little break because it's the holidays but really all I'm doing is making it worse and making myself feel worse.  I must get myself back in control.  I must not let myself feel like I've screwed up my entire day because I ate 6 chocolate covered oreos (OMG - what????).  So for this week, I'm going to track everything.  I am not going to care so much about points per say but just tracking everything that goes in my mouth.

I hope you're not doing as bad as I am right now.  I hope that in two weeks when I write my blog (I won't be updating next week - most likely) that I have a much better story to tell.  I feel like I'm letting everyone down.  I know you'll all say I'm not and we've all been there.  But DAMN - I still feel it... but I know I'll get back on track.  I have to!!!

I still can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!

1 comment:

  1. I wish there was something I could do to help you regain your control but I know there isn't anything I can do. I would hate to see you go backwards after all the hard work you have done. It's so easy once you're struggling to give in and then lose hope and let yourself down. You're whole being has changed because of your hard work. Most of us who have always struggled with this weight problem will continue to struggle our whole life - it's not an easy battle. Once you have reached YOUR goal, nobody's else's goal it will continue to be a hard road as keeping it off is even harder. I'm praying for you to regain your control and continue on your road to Healthfully Ever After.