Vowing to Change

So I didn't weigh in last week (I was in a training and didn't feel like weighing in on Wednesday because I knew I was up) nor have I been a very good girl with food.  I've kept up my exercise (not a problem for me, I LOVE IT) but have been making some horrible choices.  Even though I'm telling myself not to do / eat these things I am buying and eating them as I'm telling myself not to.

I feel very off and not sure why I'm doing this to myself.  There will be moments where I've been strong, but more often the moments of weakness are winning me over.  I have all kinds of excuses but I really hate excuses.  There's no excuse for my behavior since I know what I want.  I really do!

I think my problem right now is that shopping has been fun and the new clothes I've bought fit very well and are so fun.  So I'm focusing on having fun with that and messing up with my food... which if I think about it (and trust me I have) if I don't get myself in check, then these cute clothes and fun shopping trips are no longer going to fit or be fun.

Seriously... I've thought a lot about this.  I even uttered the words "I'm happy with where I am right now."  This is true but not true.  I do feel good, I'm able to exercise with no problem and still loving it, I want to go out and do things with friends... but there in lies the problem.  When I'm doing things like this then I let loose a little (a lot).  It's no one's fault but my own!  ... and on that flip side I'm not where I want to be in the end.

One little thing just sets me off and then the rest of the day goes down hill.  I have not been tracking my food very well... I'll start and then eat too much and write that down and then I don't track my dinner or other snacks that I may have through out the day. So dumb!

So... I vow to change.  I'm going back to when I was doing well.  I'm going to track my food.  I am going to do my very best to stay within my points 6 of the 7 days (I say 6, because I have a birthday/appetizer party on Saturday where I know I will drink a little and eat some bad stuff).  I have to do this for myself!  Shit, I'm going to Florida in 2 weeks... I know my clothes will fit for the trip (what a relief) but I want to feel good too.  I feel good when I'm eating healthy (WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER THAT ALL.THE.TIME?!).

To keep you posted on my progress... at one point I was down 96 lbs... I am now down 87.5 lbs.  I've gained a bit through out October to now. I want to hit that stupid 100 lbs... and I have a long way to go again.  I can do this!  I know I can!  YOU know I can!

Here we go... I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After!