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Thursday, October 31, 2013

Devil on your shoulder?

So last week when I had blogged I had vowed to do well while at scrapbooking.  Well that went to shit... FAST.  Pretty much immediately after I walked through the door when we got back from a great Weight Watcher meeting.  I thought for sure I'd do better because there was three of us "watching" what we were eating.  I was the only one of the three watching everything jump into my mouth immediately.

I am completely disgusted with myself and that damn devil on my shoulder.  Each time I would reach into the bag of peanut butter M&Ms (I curse the person who thought of this) I would tell myself to stop... and then I didn't (damn devil).  Then the salted caramel chocolate crack (crack is what it was to me - holy crap don't make it), then the lemon poke cake, then the apple crisp, then the two oreo desserts.  Granted these weren't all one one day but some of them were two / day.  Seriously that was horrible.

Then the food, pretty much all meals were unhealthy except for maybe 2.  And those weren't THAT healthy either... and the portion sizes.  I did better when I could dish my own, even though I went for seconds most of the time (read as "every time").  Some served up our meals for us too --- NOT GOOD for me.  I need to have visual control of what I put on my plate.  That WON'T happen again.   We scrap three times a year and I will guarantee that going forward I will be the only one putting food on my plate AND I will make better choices.

So with that said, there were actually SOME good things that I did.  I made sure to exercise every day while we were there (except 1 and I felt WORSE that day... that won't happen again).  I actually had 3 others join me in doing Zumba.  It was awesome and all 4 of us were happy we did it.  I also had someone go for a walk with me - and she walks as fast as I run... holy crap.  I was happy when she got a little tired, I could keep up better.  I am very very proud that 1) I brought the video to do 2) I did the video 3) people joined me in doing the video and 4) I never felt self-conscious doing it with them.  That's a huge step for me.

When I got home on Sunday I was miserable.  My mind was beating me up and I felt sick.  I was LITERALLY sick and I believe it was because of the CRAP food (which was soooooo good) that I ate.  I actually had to stay home from work on Monday because I felt so terrible.  It wasn't until a nice bathroom visit that I started feeling better (gross, I know.  but oh so true).  I still ate A LOT and crappy on Monday... but I vowed on Tuesday that I was not going to keep that up.

Tuesday:  I went to Sam's club on my lunch hour to get almonds and fruit so that I had some good stuff in the house (whew).  On my way to Zumba I stopped at Subway (NOT my favorite) and got a healthy dinner.   After Zumba I went to the grocery store to make sure that I had a healthy dinner to make for Wednesday night because we had to eat quick and run.  So I made mexican chicken in the crack pot and put that over brown rice.  It was good (to me) but my husband isn't in love with it (too bad sucka)!

While I'm not proud of what I did scrapbooking, I am very proud of how I've reset myself and started planning again. It definitely helped because on Monday/Tuesday I was up 6-8 lbs.  By the time I weighed in today I was only up .6 lbs.  WOWSERS!!!

I'm not going to take that for granted, I'm going to continue with my healthy eating and meal planning this week. I have to - dammit I want to get to 100 lb weight loss (and beyond of course).  I can't do that by making bad choices!  Think about what you can do between NOW and Thanksgiving to lose just 5 lbs.  I know I'm going to really plan this out because I'm going on a trip for Thanksgiving (first time ever being away from all my family - except my step son because he's who we are visiting) and I really want to prove to myself that I can get there and stay there (maintain) over our trip.

Good luck to you and remember - I can't wait until I'm Healthfully Ever After.

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