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Thursday, October 4, 2012

Emotional Eating

I'll start off with did I meet my goals this week?!  And the answer is, I met 2 of the 3.  I came really close on two days to meeting my exercise goal, but didn't quite make it.  I'm guessing if I averaged it out, it would be though.  I actually lost 3.4lbs this week and I'm totally shocked.  You'll see that I stayed within my points... huh what a thought right?  But seriously... I just lost 2.6 lbs last week - I never thought I'd lose this much this week.  I'm elated!

So my goals this week were:
  1. Post a picture of my progress (I did, finally... check it out!)
  2. Meet my ActiveLink goal 5 days (let's be honest, 7 is tough for me right now) -- not met, not even close.  I got 3 out of 7 (even if I didn't get sick I wouldn't have met it... but would have been 4 out of 7)
  3. Stay on track... after a big weight loss, my goal is just to stay the same next week.  (I think the big bad wolf will be here to try and counter act my weight loss this week) -- Yep I did this!!!  Only used the majority of my "extra" points and no extra-extra!!!
Anyway that's besides the point... the huge win for me this week is that I stayed within my allotted points... and by allotted, I mean those extra's they give you too.  It was NOT a good week for me emotionally.  I'm feeling very sorry for myself and couldn't get full a few days no matter what.  But the huge win for me was as upset as I got, I didn't turn to food to help me through my sadness... instead I kept telling myself about my end goal.  And how I want to get there - there will always be something that tries to throw me off and I just need to fight like a girl (I think girls are way tougher than men!!!).  Regardless, I'm sure you're just dying to know why I'm sad.

I'm sad because I'm so selfish.  It's like I'm an only child sometimes... and I can't help it.  It's my birthday this Saturday and my birthdays have always been special... well until I met my husband.  He doesn't think they are a big deal AT ALL.  He tends to disappoint me on my birthday each year (sorry honey, it's true).  He doesn't understand why I think they are a big deal... and frankly neither do I.  It is just another day really... but my mom and family always made big deals about birthdays.  They were always celebrated and usually with a bunch of family.  I'm not so big on having the big family celebrations anymore but I still like it to be a special day.

So with that said... the year we got married my husband's friends/family started a pheasant hunting weekend (they left the night of our wedding after the ceremony and friggin' awesome party).  The year after we got married my husband decided that not only was he going to be a deer hunter, he was also going to be a pheasant hunter and join in on their fun.  I'm cool with that, really... because I like my "free to be me" time.  But this trip always falls on my birthday AND our anniversary pretty much every year (since they are two days apart).  And usually he's super crabby getting ready for it; so not only does he not have time to make my day special, he's not here for it and is super crabby and sometimes down right mean to me.  He has missed our 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 5th and 6th anniversary because of this trip.  Again, I would never tell him not to go but really resent the fact that it's always during this time.  Oh and guess what, SURPRISE he doesn't think anniversaries are a big deal either.

Every year I look to see which weekend the pheasant opener is in North Dakota.  Every year it give a tentative date and hasn't changed in the 6 years he's gone.  This year is the same deal, it said it was this weekend.  So I made a bunch of plans with my mom to go up to Brainerd (only because I have a photo shoot on Saturday - my bday) and stay the weekend.  Then I find out that my steps son's homecoming game is that Saturday too.  So, because I'm a good step mom, I want to attend that... but now that's over 1/2 my day spent on other people.  So I decided to take Friday off and go up on Friday morning so that I can get some more fun time in with my mom (she's awesome and if you know her, you agree with me I'm sure).  Ok, that's still sounds like a decent weekend right?

Well!!! My husband calls me on Monday night (as he was going up to Brainerd to see his son play in the JV game... I stayed home so that I could go to water aerobics).  Guess what he tells me?  This year Pheasant opener is next weekend, not this weekend.  EFF!  So now I feel super guilty that I'm leaving him, but am too selfish not to change my plans.  Plus I couldn't do that last minute to my mom either (but really it's all about me).  And he's been kinda off this week since that all happened.  I did invite him to go to dinner with us on Saturday night and he is coming so that makes me feel much better... and I arranged for my sister to take care of the dogs... but still can't get over this feeling... and being mad that I'm so selfish.

AND, get this!!!  I started to feel sick on my way home from work on Tuesday.  Yesterday was horrible... I went to work for an hour, left and came home and laid in bed ALL DAY and NIGHT... hence the no exercise yesterday.  So, now I'm sick... hoping I get better by the weekend... but not likely.  I can't take pictures of a 6 month old if I'm sick... I can't get her or her family sick.  I don't have time to reschedule it :(  And I don't want to disappoint them... and most of all I don't want my whole weekend to be effed up because of being sick.  This just sucks.  

I tell you all of this because I want you to understand my big win.  I repeat... through all of this I've tracked all my points and stayed within them.  If this was last year... I would have ate everything in our house, gone grocery shopping and ate all that food and we would have probably gone out to eat too!  So no matter what happens on the scale this week, I am still a winner!  Being that I'm so competitive (even with my own self), it feels really good!

I did hit the grocery yesterday and bought gelato!!!  Not my favorite, but it was the lowest point ice cream-ish type thing I could have and still weigh in today and feel good about myself.  So I guess that's a HUGE win too!

I apologize for the horribly long post, but in order for you to understand my big win - you needed to hear my life story this week.

My goals for this week are:
  1. Stay on track
  2. Stay the same weight for next week - being that it's my birthday weekend and all... I'm going to be at a place where every meal will be eaten out... so breakfast / lunches will be healthy but I'm going to go hog wild for dinski (probably won't but it sounds good doesn't it?).
I hope you have a good week and can stay away from the emotional eating... It's sooooooo hard to do, but in the long run it will pay off and you know it will!  You must keep your end goal (make sure it's not a weight loss number... but maybe a pant size or a "feeling").  Please leave me a comment about some of your emotional eating struggles and how you handled them... even if it was going for the emotional eating.  It only helps the rest of us.

I can't wait until I'm healthfully ever after!


  1. I'm so happy for you that you did so well this week, especially when so unexpected. Some people don't understand what a struggle all this is, weight loss, and all the things that feed in to defeat or winning. So hoping that you birthday, today, will be a win win for you and that you enjoy it and the people who love you most do not let you down today. You are special and your day should be equally special. Keep up the good work.

  2. Great post and Happy Birthday! Emotional eating is a terrible trap I fall into often. I had a week from h-e-double hockey sticks and was so tempted to hit the chips, chocolate, and pretty much any food I could get my hands on, but I kept my eye on the prize and as a result had a pretty good week. I'm not sure what it is about eating that makes me think I will feel better when I'm stressed, lonely or happy for that matter. In honesty it might make me feel better at the moment, but later the guilt and the feelings of failure is almost worse than the emotion that caused me to eat in the first place. (I did give in to a Caribou coffee twice, but I tracked the points and didn't go over my allowance.) Usually by this point on WW I give in to my old habits, but you are truly inspiring me to stick with it and for that I thank you!!

    1. Tracy, It feels good to know I'm helping people. I'm so glad you said "keep my eye on the prize" because that IS what it's about. It's what you want in the long run. You can do it, I know you can. Luckily we have each other - because it's nice to know I'm not alone in this.

  3. Great Post!!!! You are an inspiration :)